Design is not just decorative...

One of my designs is in the process of being built! Completion date has been moved to February. I am SO EXCITED. See some photos below.






Thanksgiving evening we gathered around our living room to watch a film – While You Were Sleeping. Despite its charming and romantic plot, it was easy to discern the movie’s age due to the fashion and humor changes during the last 15 years. In contrast, its hospital interiors accurately reflected what I would expect to see today. In other words, changes in fashion, language and humor were easily identifiable though the architecture and interiors did not seem to change at all. As a design student, I was taught to believe that the built environment acted as a cultural catalyst for change and critical thought. Unfortunately, it no longer seems to hold this position, instead it trails dreadfully behind art, technology, and design – especially in healthcare design.

Creativity is hidden behind a sturdy wall of excuses in healthcare design. This wall is several feet thick – built by the value engineers, the financers, the doctors and nurses, hospital CEOs and administrative staff, lawyers, technicians and even architects. Finding a way to introduce innovation in healthcare design is like looking for a tiny crack in a dam. It is not surprising that most designers settle for the “usual” due to frustration and impatience.

I searched and researched for several weeks – looking for a tiny crack in the wall. I composed presentation boards showcasing “cutting edge” European designs and the most updated scientific research supporting color and technology alternatives… but every time they would find an excuse, a reason, something, anything, to avoid pursuing solutions outside of the familiar white washed walls, long, straight corridors, and VCT rigid squares.

After months of research and meetings, an administrative officer asked about using energy efficient lighting and updating the current standardized fixtures. Without my input, the board of directors, planners, lawyers, etc. quickly agreed to update the standard – revealing the perfect crack. Through innovative lighting fixtures, I could design in creative and unexpected ways. I suggested using color changing LED light fixtures as decorative and functional pieces in hallways, waiting rooms, and lobbies. Other fixtures could be used to cast unusual and artistic shadows on walls – spaces typically covered with framed paintings. These fixtures were able to escape the regular list of excuses and hesitations because they were necessary – essential for both function and design.

The Safe Hug

For a graduate writing class, a classmate and I created a "how to" for hugs. We both did a lot of research on hugs - including how people greet each other in different cultures and how NOT to hug. The goal of the assignment was to study process writing - instruction manuals, etc. These are often ignored or overlooked by designers (hence the reason most people don't even bother to read them). The project required the creation of a instruction guide - either using digital or print media. We could study an actual object or a human interaction/experience. We choose the "hug" due to its influence and relevance in our lives. For example, those who are touched or hugged daily are proven to have lower blood pressure...

Hope you enjoy the video - it was a fun project for us.

Is it worth it?

Last week, in my Nonfiction Writing class, we watched the film Manufactured Landscapes. Since then, it's been on my mind constantly. Over the last few years, the issues raised in the film have transformed my perspective on economics, world trade, personal as well as national finances, technology and capitalism, etc. It is hard to find an aspect of life unaffected by this issue.

You can watch a short video of some photographs from the film on the photographer's website - Edward Burtynsky. Select "Worldchanging" from the links on the left - then "View the Worldchanging.com Introduction Video".

A summary from his website:
Shot in Super-16mm film, Manufactured Landscapes extends the narrative streams of Burtynsky’s photographs, allowing us to meditate on our profound impact on the planet and witness both the epicentres of industrial endeavour and the dumping grounds of its waste. What makes the photographs so powerful is his refusal in them to be didactic. We are all implicated here, they tell us: there are no easy answers. The film continues this approach of presenting complexity, without trying to reach simplistic judgements or reductive resolutions. In the process, it tries to shift our consciousness about the world and the way we live in it.

After watching something like this - it is hard for me to understand why anyone would still support oil production and consumption. How can we continue in this way while so many others suffer the consequences? It may save us a few dollars, but it costs others their lives. Is oil really worth it? Especially when alternatives such as wind and solar exist?

Look what I made...

I am taking a 3D Rhino rendering class (a software class that teaches you how to build small objects on the computer). And here is the first item I choose to try - a spool of ribbon. Yay!

What I said...

To my studio professor and classmates last week....

After saying my name and undergraduate background I spoke about my experience with architecture. Since I can't remember my exact words I'll summarize:

In the four years I worked as an interior architect, I found that 80% was about details such as roofing, water protection, structural connections, stud wall construction, and hours upon hours of drawing tiny details. I hated it because it was so boring. The 20% I loved was about design - how people interact with space, concept development, programming - understanding human needs... In four years I decided that the 80% I hated wasn't worth enduring for the 20% I loved. I longed for a job where the ratios were flipped and wasn't ready to give up searching for it. I had taken product design classes in undergrad and really enjoyed them. I decided to invest in developing that interest to see where it leads. I am in grad school, not necessarily to be torn down and rebuilt, but to find my life's questions in the pursuit of industrial design. I am going to CCA to help uncover these questions - these questions that I will spend the rest of my life working out. (At this point I referenced the reading he had asked us to do this summer - Seeing is Forgetting the Name of the Thing One Sees - a book about the artist Robert Irwin. I LOVED the book so I couldn't help but bring it up. I looked like a total suck up... be seriously I just loved the book.)

My professor asked me, "How will you know when you've found them?"

I replied, "You just know. It's the thing you keep coming back to. You know when you've found something worth living for. Something worth waking up for. Something that energizes you - that compels you - that makes your heart beat. You just know."

Upon further reflection, I wish I would have added that, as Robert Irwin said, it is about a combination of logic and intuition. Logic evaluates measurable data, the science. Intuition is linked to a sense of spirit, of being, of understanding beyond words. You can limit yourself to just logic - but still be wrong because life doesn't always work in logical ways. The unexpected happens, people change their minds, emotions shift. That is where intuition is key... the key to discerning the stuff not measured by logic or science. The combination of the two is where confidence and faith are found.

That is how "you just know." And now you all know why I think I am in grad school :)

You are quite eloquent.

Last week, upon introducing myself to my studio professor and explaining why I am here in grad school... he simply raised his eyebrows, looked down at his notebook, and said "You are quite eloquent."

Today, I looked up the word in the dictionary - though I know exactly what it means I was looking for some hidden meaning...

Here is a little blurb from dictionary.com:
Eloquent, fluent, articulate, expressive are adjectives that characterize speech or speakers notable for their effectiveness. Eloquent suggests clarity and power.

Clarity and power.

Love it.

Unfortunately, it took four years of thought to express those four sentences to my professor. If only I could be eloquent with less time!

Even more construction...

Photos from the latest construction site visit... occupancy is still set for January but it looks like it is coming together quite quickly. I regret not being able to be there during completion - but know grad school is an opportunity I couldn't afford to wait on. Thankfully, my ex co-workers are pretty great about keeping me in the loop!

The waiting room... the ceiling grid is up and the panels about to be installed!


A view down on of the corridors. I put color changing LED lights in the soffits - right now the hospital is trying to decide how to use them. I really focused on the lighting fixtures in the design due to the fact that this space has no access to daylight at all (it's in the basement of the hospital like all xray departments typically are).


And the "special feature" aka. light display at the end of the corridor is ready to be set up!

It all began with Barbie...

A video I composed sharing a short story about myself as part of grad school orientation. We had two and a half days to compose the video and then spent an evening viewing each other's stories. Class starts this week (tomorrow!)... this was just a simple "get to know you" exercise :)

It all started with Barbie... from Nicole Knox on Vimeo.

Into the "Older Than"

Just finished grad school orientation... two days full of long meetings and lines. So far so good. I've been trying to meet as many people as I can remember. I have to be careful b/c at some point I start to lose track of names or they all start to blend together. Despite my introverted self, I've managed to meet quite a few people and learn some interesting characteristics about my design class.

There are 48 of us.

We are...

...Primarily female.
...Mostly under the age of 25
...Not likely to have held a "professional" job
...Over half have experience/education in graphic design
...All but three of us have iphones (I am one of the three)
...Diverse in that our class has the most international students than ever before
...Single (I have yet to meet another married student in my year)

I was sitting around at a table with five other classmates and they were announcing their age and relationship status. The combination of my age, experience and marriage make me feel so much older than at least half of my class. For the first time in my life, I realized I was now in the category of life called "Older Than"... where the world is slowly starting to get younger and younger as I get older.

I have no doubt that these students are incredibly talented, creative, and intelligent regardless of age and relationship status. I am in no way "above" them... the only thing I am is increasingly unable to let myself use the excuse of "oh I'm just young". But in grad school, and possibly in life, we all have one thing in common - we are here to learn and grow - and that alone makes age irrelevant.

Vertigo

Tonight a few friends and I went to watch the Alfred Hitchcock film Vertigo at the Cal Berkeley Pacific Film Archive. I did not know anything about the film aside from a short trailer I found on YouTube. The film's plot completely surprised me - I am not an "old" movie fan so my response could be purely naive - but I was very impressed with the cleverness of the writing, directing, and acting. Nearly two hours after watching the film, I am still recovering from shock over the ending.

Aside from the things already mentioned - I also noticed how much HASN'T changed since the 1950s - like pumps (high heeled shoes) and business suits, wallpaper designs (large patterns are all the rage right now), blankets with satin or silk edging, stainless steel teapots, etc. The most noticable change (filming technology aside) was the automobiles. In general, it seems that behaviorally people seem pretty consistent - but technology seems to cause the greatest amount of change in the least amount of time. Technology and jeans. Everyone in the film wore a suit, slacks or dress/skirt because jeans hadn't become mainstream yet. Oh how jeans have transformed our day to day clothes!

Dune - revisited

Now I’m serious…

About this whole sci-fi thing.

I’ll prove it.

I read Dune – “considered by some to be the greatest science fiction novel of all time.”

Was it?

Sure… I don’t think reading one (or a handful) of sci-fi books really makes me qualified to judge though. I like this science fiction genre – speculations on the future based on actuality (to put it simply). It helps to compare it to fantasy which is not based on reality or any relation to it. So here we have an entire genre devoted to exploring an imaginary yet probable vision of the future. Who could resist the curiosity it induces?

Mere curiosity?

Of course not – my real motivation is always design based. I want to know what could be – and study fantastic and elaborate interpretations of the future in hopes of expanding my limited perspective of the now.

Take Dune for example – I LOVED the stillsuits – a technological innovation of the sand dwellers that enabled them to reclaim their body moisture. From the moment they were first introduced I can’t get them out of my head – I’ve spent several random distracted moments thinking about them and how it would actually work. Could we use these now? What about developing countries with limited or no access to water?

Always wondering…

The Bible as Human Literature

KV and I have been discussing this on and off for the last few years - especially since he went to seminary and learned more about the authors of this ancient text. One of leaders he respects recently wrote a blog post about this subject. It was so thought provoking I had to pass it along. What do you think?

"The Bible is only human literature.

Breathe.

I have a question I want to consider, and I have asked this question at the end of this post. But let’s begin with this lesser question:

Why does embracing the Bible as human literature disorient some of us?

Perhaps it is because many of us are so used to being told that the Bible is a book written by God — The Bible is God’s word. But the Bible is not written by God. It is written by humans.

Having said that, does claiming that the Bible is only human literature mean the Bible is false? Of course not.
The New York Times is also produced by humans. Does that mean it is false? Of course not.

The Bible is only human literature, but it is based on true stories. Yes, the stories are so unbelievable in parts that it is up to each reader to sort out what lies behind it all. That’s where the danger lies. The danger is not that each reader must determine for herself what lies behind it. The danger is what lies behind it. In a sense the Bible is like the shadow of the invisible. Enter the shadow at your own risk."

Click HERE to see the full article written by Alex McManus.

Food, Inc.

Probably one of the best "social justice/cause specific" documentaries I've seen in its clarity and thoughtfulness.

Some specific highlights:

- a closer, more personal, look at the relationship between corporations and individuals

- highlighted the importance of consumer choice (motivating large corporations like Walmart to change) and how we vote at least three times a day with what we choose to eat, buy, etc.

- approached deeper issues such as motivation and purpose behind the development of food

- challenged the idea of cost in a holistic way

- covered multiple issues surrounding the industrialization of food including world hunger, labor, etc.

Great movie - I'd definitely see it again or host a screening!

Goodness Gracious...

Great balls of fire. Holy Fire that is. I recently finished my first novel by Bruce Sterling - a science fiction author known for his futuristic visions. This book had genetically and electrically altered dogs that served as animal companions as well as machine servants. It is set in the 2090s - to a place where science and biology have progressed into mind boggling (but not altogether surprising) ways. Life extension treatments are available to those that can afford them - treatments that "rejuvenate" blood cells, organs... that extend life well into the triple digits. Most people eat scientifically composed food like substances that deliver just the exact amount of vitamins, minerals and nutrients required - animals and plants only consumed by those less fortunate or far less educated. Buildings have lighting systems that imitate the sun. People can build virtual palaces to store their memories, experiences and wealth. Translators in the form of earrings and necklaces allows people to speak their native tongue to all and understand any language...

Though the book had impressive and believable technological innovations (it was written in 1996) - the plot failed to impress me. It had so much potential - an elderly lady undergoing a life extension treatment that gives her a second chance to re-live the youth she never dreamed of... yet I found it's actuality to be surprisingly underdeveloped and shallow. I forced myself to finish reading it - my curiosity unrelenting even as it approached unavoidable disappointment.

I am hoping his latest book, The Caryatids, is far more developed. One of my favorite blogs, Worldchanging, says "The Caryatids is my favorite of Bruce's novels since Holy Fire, and frankly one of the best science fiction books I've read in years. It's a book redolent with not only the future, but the concerns of a particular kind of future that is very much of interest to those of us engaged with worldchanging work."

Hum... We'll see. I am trying to add some futuristic sci-fi into my non-fiction mix before grad school completely takes over my brain. Any suggestions??

June Garden Lessons

My favorite part of the garden so far... snow peas.

So exciting to see things actually growing! I can't believe it - they are still alive! (Snow peas and bell pepper shown below.)

Broccoli - what a waste! A massive plant for a tiny bit of broccoli. I decided to uproot them to give the other more productive plants more room to grow.

The whole garden - those tomatoes are growing so tall! The cauliflower is growing on the left - we have yet to see what will happen with these. Hopefully they will be more successful than broccoli!

This is what I've been talking about...

...or at least trying to. Missional small groups. How do mission and community work together? This short 16 minute video by Matt Carter from Stone Community Church in Austin, Texas gives a much better explanation than I've been able to communicate.

Mosaic just relaunched Freeform (aka. small groups) with a general outline/goal of what we hope they look like. The primary purpose, of course, is to build community while on mission. We encouraged Freeform groups to meet once a week - and dedicate at least one week a month to "serving others creatively". Unfortunately, we launched in June - during the summer, when attendance tends to be low and fickle. We just couldn't wait though - and hope this sets the foundation for an even stronger launch in the fall.

Listen to Matt and be inspired and encouraged - what we are trying to achieve can be difficult to visualize but is well worth our effort and pursuit... all for the sake of Berkeley!

THE SHOW - for May 19, 2009 - Guest Matt Carter from Todd Rhoades on Vimeo.

Why do you care?

Why do you care about other people?

I want to investigate what really motivates people to give their lives away to others (aside from any other religious training/explanation). I was reflecting over my life - trying to remember the first time I really cared about somebody outside of myself (or my immediate family) and my thoughts kept returning to the day we first welcomed my brother Josh into our home.

I was 8 years old and it was 3:00 in the afternoon. School had just let out and I was searching the playground for my mother. I finally saw her, walking up the hill, with a bundle of blankets in her arms. I was too young then to really realize what that meant or why... but the little baby she carried in her arms would forever change my life and the way I experienced and gave love. That day I become Josh's oldest sister - not because I had to, but because I choose to.

Though the Colorado court system would officially recognize Josh as part of the Williams family three years later, I was his sister from the moment I saw him - a small and strange little baby needing a home. The amount of love I experienced for someone I had never met before shocked me. I realized I had the capacity to care for others in ways I never imagined or dreamed of before.

I care because Josh showed me I could. Before that, it was just an idea - something my parents and Sunday school teachers talked about endlessly. I have spent the last 18 years (since the day I met Josh) following this love - searching for it, longing for it, hoping for it. This love, that I now call Jesus, is what motivates and drives me. Though I can't always (and often don't) embody it - He is with me.

This is a much better answer than the one I gave to the person who asked me last week!

Accepted

It's official - I am going to grad school. You can click on the above logo for more information about the school and program but to summarize: I will be in a two year program to get a masters of fine arts in design (with a focus on industrial design). At the end of August I will transform into a design student once more in hopes of launching into the field of consumer products. I was so excited to get accepted. I heard only 15 of 2oo+ applicants get in and I was flattered to be one of them. Post acceptance, however, has been a different story. I've had a few anxiety/panic attacks thinking about all the financial aid we just accepted and wading through my self-doubt and insecurity. Thankfully Kevin has been unwavering in his confidence of me and this direction. It is a ginormous risk - to move from merely dreaming about being a product designer to actually attempting to become one. Let's just say I've left plenty of space for miracles to happen :)

Back in March Kevin and I were walking through the Denver International Airport and I was in awe of the ceiling and design. I love it! I also love that in a few months it is quite likely I will never have to design interiors again - no more carpet, paint colors, tile patterns, space flow diagrams... I can't wait. Finally my appreciation for architecture will be set free to be just that - appreciation.

Under Construction

Yesterday I went to see one of my projects that is currently under construction - the renovation of the x-ray/imaging department of a hospital in Oakland (7,271 SF). The steel studs and electrical are all in - in June all the drywall goes up. Occupancy is set for January 2010. I can't wait! My first project (from start to finish) is only months away from completion.

Are Cheerios Healthy?

An article by The Daily Green reported today:

"Just weeks after Kellogg agreed to stop a national advertising campaign that misleadingly claimed its Frosted Mini Wheats boost kids' attention spans, General Mills has been ordered by the Food and Drug Administration to scale back its claims about what Cheerios can do for your health. In essence, General Mills had been claiming that a box of Cheerios is a powerful drug designed to lower cholesterol, fight heart disease and high blood pressure, when in fact ... it is a breakfast cereal.

This is a strong reminder to consumers that the health claims on food packaging can often be misleading. A varied, balanced diet, with more plants than meat, and fewer processed foods, is the most commonsense diet for most people. Cereal can be a part of that diet, for sure, but we shouldn't think of fortified cereals or processed whole wheats as the solution to our health problems, or the key to losing weight."

Yet another reminder to never underestimate the power of marketing - it is pretty tempting to believe it is actually good for your health when you walk down that massive cereal isle!

What do you think - what cereals are actually healthy and why? I try to avoid them altogether and stick to oatmeal. I get tired of trying to read all the labels and discern the truth behind all the compelling words.

Chase the Lion

“Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.

Grab life by the mane.

Set God-sized goals.

Pursue God-ordained passions.

Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention.

Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God.

Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future.
Stop playing it safe and start taking risks.

Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can.

Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God.

Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not.

Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion.”

Mark Batterson: In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day.
‘Lion Chasers Manifesto’:

Using Our Passions to Change the World

Please visit Crashing Forward for more details!

Leaving the country yet again...

At the end of May, my husband and a small group of volunteers from Mosaic and the Bay area are heading to Sudan. At this time last year, Kevin met a man named Michael - a Lost Boy from Sudan sent by the Clinton administration to the United States for an education. Displaced from his home in Sudan due to war, Michael walked several thousands of miles to safety in a neighboring country. Getting an education was his only hope to escape a lifetime in refugee camps. Fortunately, some of those in the U.S. government felt the same way and helped pave the way for some of the young boys to come to the United States. Now, years later, Michael wants to use his education to help those still living out the consequences of war. With the help of Kevin, Mosaic, and EMI (Engineering Ministries International), Michael will return to his home village, Jalle, this May with a team of dedicated and talented engineers and architects. This team will help the village assess its needs and help the local community move towards solutions they might not have had access to previously.

Please visit the website, Rebuild Sudan, for more information about the Lost Boys or to see how you might be a part of rebuilding this community.

Photo: Michael reunited with his mother after a 20-year separation.

some old prayer

I was reading tonight and came across this really old prayer (The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi). I am RARELY into things like this but it quickly caught my attention - especially the second part.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith;
Where is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

It was encouraging to see another reminding us of this truth - of how Jesus lived and what he taught. Too often I feel frustrated that the church is too focused on themselves as though after a certain level of our "needs" are met THEN we will be able to serve and love others. Too often I feel alone in the campaign for serving and loving others as the way to grow in God. Too often I worry about how easily we are tempted to to put our needs first.

Do we think growing in God is about knowledge and not about action? What is growing in God? It is a matter of intellect and memorization? It is about how many books you read and how many "Godly" people you can quote? We must discuss these questions!

These other quotes/thoughts came to mind as I was thinking about this:

"The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Romans 13:9

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
1 Corinthians 13:1-3

The temptation is too great - so I tend to swing to the other extreme in hopes of hitting somewhere in the middle. Too many churches are known for how creatively they meet their own needs - though amazing programs and unfaltering organization. Will we be known for this as well? When will the church be known for its love? Not for its knowledge, its intellect, its amazing sermons and captivating productions... but simply for the way it loves and cares for others? This is the church I long for.

We strive so hard to encourage serving as a way to practice loving others. Too many times people come to us and ask about burnout or what will "fill" them back up? I have a few thoughts on this:
1: Whose strength are you serving on/with anyways? If it is your own, then you most definitely burnout. But burnout is not such a bad thing - to come to the end of yourself and need God's help (and/or the help of others) to empower you to finish.
2: Doesn't the prayer above say that serving is the means to be "filled up"? Does Jesus discuss and model this?
3: How are you serving? Are you serving in the ways you "should" as determined by the expectations of yourself or others? Or are you serving in the unique ways that only you can - with your passions, talents and gifts?

The core reason I am SO passionate and intense about this subject is because of my own story. I spent YEARS diligently growing in knowledge to find little to no character change in myself. No matter how many Bible studies I was a part of or lead - no matter how many verses I memorized - no matter how "christian" I became - I could not change myself. Knowledge is helpful in knowing God - but serving is essential to living out a life with God.

Not only that - but one really clear way serving helps you grow is in self awareness. You learn really quick what you like and what you don't - what you really think or hope for - in the act of serving.

I am not "anti-Bible study" but I am Bible study resistant. I am resistant to engage unless there is a clear vision of what we are moving towards and what we hope to attain. We hope to be the church FOR the world due to our understanding of who Jesus is and what He hoped for. It is in this context we can talk about the role of knowledge.

Creativity and Artichokes

I most enjoy cooking when I get to try something unknown and challenging, otherwise it's just a chore and a duty to me and I tend to avoid it. I have also found that I enjoy experimenting the most when there's a crowd involved - a dinner party of some sort... it makes it more of a challenge or something I suppose. It doesn't bother me too much when an experiment fails - I am thankful I tried at all, however, KV might have a different perspective :)

So last week we had some co-workers over and I heard artichokes were in season. Thankfully this one turned out - though the prep was tedious & my fingers hurt from the sharp points on the leaves.

So proud of myself

I FINALLY planted a vegetable garden! It was inspired by Mel Bartholomew's book Square Foot Gardening. I meant to build one last spring but the first picture shows how far I got. I basically built two square raised beds and left them sitting there for a year - I didn't even add soil. So this spring I basically had to re-start seeing as all the weeds that we pulled last year had returned.


Got to love pulling weeds. I was surprised to find that the soil had changed a lot since last year. Last year it was practically dust and hard as a rock - this year it even had worms and snails living in it!


Weed pulling took longer than everything else combined. The green trash bin to the right is our city's mandatory compost bin. You put all your garden clippings, unused food, etc. in it and they pick it up once a week. It usually smells so bad I gag every time I go near it. :)


After the weeds, I nailed weed cloth to the bottom of the raised beds and put potting soil mix from our local nursery inside. Hopefully this will reduce the amount of weed pulling needed in the future. The wood slats we nailed across the top of the beds are supposed to help us measure the space for planting. For example, lettuce can be planted six inches apart so you can plant four per square foot. Broccoli, on the other hand, needs more space so you can only plant one per square foot.


The planted boxes! I go out back and check on them as often as I can, half expecting them to be all shriveled up or attacked by an animal. I find myself worrying about it sometimes - is it too hot or too cool; is there enough water, sun... I even dream about it sometimes! I'm a typical first time gardener - clueless and hopeful.


Box #1: Cauliflower, lettuce, peas, tomato, spinach, onions, red bell pepper, strawberry, basil and broccoli.


Box #2: Strawberry, cucumber, edamame, cherry tomato, yellow bell pepper, broccoli, tomato, cauliflower.


I recently read something about the significance of the garden in the creation stories. The book, End of Religion, says, "A garden is a meeting place between nature and human culture. It reflects both divine and human creativity, as opposed to the extremes of a city on the one hand and a forest (or jungle, depending on how tropical you like your analogies) on the other. Genesis shows us that God's original design for humanity was an intimate, purposeful relationship between himself and humanity, expressed through a cocreative partnership." (End of Religion, pgs. 197-198)

Fool me once, shame on you...

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I am feeling the shame, or rather, the anger.

Our car was stolen for the second time last Thursday at the North Berkeley BART station just over a mile from our house. I was headed home after attending a design event in Oakland. I rode the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit aka. metro/subway) and looked for the car... to no avail. It was gone. Not even a shard of broken glass was to be found - that old thing was so easy to break into you didn't even need to bother the glass. I am angry today - if only we had taken the time to get a club after it was stolen the first time!



We are not confident that we will be as lucky as we were the first time - when the San Jose police department found our car illegally parked about an hour from where we live. The police told us last week we had about a 50% chance or ever seen it again. I do not feel hopeful. If only this was an April Fools joke - unfortunately it isn't.

On another note, KV's elbow is healing "twice as fast" as it should be, according to the orthopedic doctor he saw yesterday. He doesn't even have to wear the sling anymore.

The Glass Wall

(Written in 2007 while living in Los Angeles. I recently shared this journal entry at a Mosaic gathering a few weeks ago. I was talking about knowing God versus experiencing God... and here is just one example of when my human knowledge failed me - and I just needed to speak to Him, my Friend.)

Friend,
What is blocking me from the fullness of You?
I want to be close to You but I stand enclosed behind a glass wall.
I can see You; I can hear Your voice; I see Your hand pressed against the glass but I keep hiding.

It is so strange; sometimes I scream and cry for help and beat against the glass... and sometimes I find a strange pleasure, a secret comfort in this division of space.
I tell myself it keeps me independent and strong. And I keep pushing myself forward.
When I feel insecure, I push myself even harder.

Sometimes I turn my back to the glass in defiance and feel the rush of resistance in my veins.
Sometimes I fall down in front of the glass and feel the coldness of the floor.
It invades my body and my heart and I feel so alone.

Still other times I stand staring into it as though looking into a mirror.
I see all the things I will never be and all the things I cannot touch and I beat myself.
My fear of physical pain protects me though so I beat myself internally.
I tear my own heart apart before you, convinced it is what I deserve.

Again I see Your hand pushed against the glass and I hesitate.
I am afraid to touch You. I just stand like a statue and stare.

Sometimes the glass is so clear I forget it is there. I can taste the freedom and even live in it for awhile.
But then it hits me in the face as though running straight into a wall.
And in my anger I return to the place I was before. I beat myself.

And so I stand here again, like a statue, watching Your hand pressed against the glass.
I feel the shame of rejecting You as I stand.
But I am afraid my heart is too weak and you'll see it.
I can't bear for You to see the weakness of my spirit.

Suddenly I hear You slowly whisper, "Maybe it's not as bad as you think."
Your simple words catch me off guard and I move towards You.
Before I can regain the strength to resist I decide.
Okay.
I'll put my hand against the glass too... and maybe... What now? Tell me, my Friend.

Winter in the SF Bay

All day nearly every day - thru February and March. Hope this helps end the drought.

Drank the kool-aid

After being "tagged" by more people than I can count, I've finally caved to peer pressure - I'm drinking the kool-aid and jumping into the pool.

Some random things about me:

1. I prefer to wear pumas and graphic tees over high heels and dress shirts.
2. I ride my bike to work most days and I LOVE it.
3. I am my own best friend. I have endless conversations in my mind, try out questions and test ideas - all internally. I prefer to try to figure things out in my own mind before sharing them with others. The only problem is I rarely figure things out, therefore, I find I don't share much.
4. I like to be asked questions. Simply sharing information unprovoked is hard for me to do unless I know you really really well.
5. I like to ask a lot of questions. Sometimes I do this to avoid the conversation from focusing on me. Most of the time I do this because I am just genuinely curious.
6. I hate routines. Repetition bores me. It drains the life out of me. I thrive on change and new challenges. For example, I don't like to make anything twice. Once is enough - even if it wasn't perfect. There are some exceptions of course, but in general, I enjoy change.
7. I don't mind repetition if I REALLY REALLY like something. Examples include chocolate and ice cream. I could eat those everyday - no problem.
8. I am not naturally obedient. Rules tend to bother me.
9. I LOVE to save money for the sake of the internal competition.
10. I wish I had a supernatural power.
11. I am direct. Mostly due to the fact that...
12. I am a terrible actress. It will be painfully obvious if I am lying.
13. I hate shopping, especially for clothes. It makes me feel anxious.
14. I love to give people good gifts. I think TOO much about each gift I give. And I can't just give you anything - so I tend to miss some birthdays and stuff b/c I ran out of time to think and can't pull something together quickly.
15. I dream of living in a prefab house by Michelle Kaufman or in something like the B-Line Small by Hive Modular
16. I take myself way too seriously sometimes.
17. I love God and I love Jesus but I find Christianity stifling.
18. I wish I had a tattoo. I can't narrow down a design though and I have a really low pain threshold.
19. I find meaning in my work. I have a hard time working if this is missing.
20. Kevin makes me a better person - he makes me laugh, relax, breathe, trust.
21. I don't really care about interior design. I just don't find it all that interesting and know I could do without.
22. I play soccer... still. I've played since I was 8 years old.
23. I was made for Berkeley. I LOVE the authenticity.
24. I wish I could eat dessert. (Kevin persuaded me to join him in fasting for Lent - though we don't really practice Lent)
25. Tessa inspired me to actually do this.

Closing

This economic recession thing hit much closer to home this week with the closing of my all time favorite store in Berkeley – the Elephant Pharmacy.

I was shocked and saddened to hear the news, as were so many others. I would go to the Elephant just for fun – to wander through the isles and see what was new – to sit in the corner and glance through their books… Elephant was always full of mystery and surprise – I found everything there including handmade Christmas ornaments, stainless steel water bottles (which I gave to SEVERAL people in the last year), sprouting granola, organic food based facial cleansers, barley teething sticks, recycled toilet paper, partially digested vitamins, rows and rows of tea leaves, natural deodorants, circular body soaps, fair trade bracelets, yoga videos… I heard they even gave dream consultations there!

Ahhhh… I am SOO disappointed!

Lucky for me – there is another all natural, organic pharmacy a few blocks from my house in Albany called Pharmaca Integrative Pharmacy - I will have to learn how to love it.

Winners Announced

The winners of the Discarded Dreams competition have been announced on the Open Architecture Network.

See photos from the award reception night HERE.

Thank you for all your encouragement, excitment and support - I really appreciate it!

I won. We won.

Every time I repeat the words, it sends a bolt of energy and excitement through me. Even now, three days later, I keep saying it, in an effort to remind myself that it is actually true. I've never won anything in the design world... until now.

A glimpse at the email:
"We’d like to congratulate you as the first place winner of the Discarded Dreams Mattress Design Competition! We’re very excited about Helix and the potential your design holds for being a marketable product for recycled mattress components."

I won. We won.

So lucky :)

The awards reception is this upcoming Thursday night. Unfortunately we were planning to still be in DC. We are considering sending me home a day earlier to attend... maybe I just need to make sure it really is true. I feel torn... to go or not to go?

The crazy thing is, Helix is nothing fancy. It is simple, practical, straight to the point. And apparently, it might work.

Crazy.

Here is an article that explains more about how the competition was developed and what they were looking for.

Feeling the stress

The stress really started to show the day after Christmas. I lost my appetite, regardless of how hungry I felt, and entered a season of restless sleep. On a good day, I'll eat one full meal and sleep for four solid hours without waking.

Strangely, the only way that I've been able to escape some of the stress is by taking a break to read parts of the Twilight series. For a minute my mind forgets everything outside of vampires and I can ignore the deadlines.

It is a strange season. I miss the peace.

As far as I can tell, the source of the stress lies in two things - a Kaiser project that I am designing for Ratcliff and my grad school application. I have hit my threshold - I don't think I can hold another droplet of responsibility right now. This Twilight thing already makes me question my sanity :)

I keep telling myself two things:
1. It will pass... eventually.
2. You've been here before.
(In studio at Kansas State - I forget how much stress I've endured in the past.)

Relief is not far away - next week the application is due and it will be released from my hands and my control. I am dying with restlessness...

And February 16th - the first stage of this Kaiser project is due. The photo above is of my workstation at Ratcliff. There are piles of sketches scattered all over. And colored pencils - my sketching tool of choice. The office gave me a new set of 48 colored pencils yesterday - I was overly happy about this :)

Only a few more days...

On the positive side - I wouldn't mind losing a pound or two. I sure do miss peaceful sleep though.