A Question Worth Asking...

(The Shack, page 185)
"Just because I (God) work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."

(The Shack, page 165)
"(God) has never needed evil to accomplish his good purposes. It is you humans who have embraced evil and (God) has responded with goodness."

It seems to me that most Christian theology/religion is based on the understanding that God required a sacrifice in order to forgive us (aka. Jesus). If God is only good - why would He require a murder in order to be able to give us forgiveness? If God does not need evil to accomplish his will - then why would He need Jesus to be murdered?

If God needed a murder, that would lead me to conclude that God needed payment or revenge for our lack of trust in him. That would make God more like me, a human... and less like God - the all forgiving, all full of grace, all full of love, God. It could be argued that His holiness required the murder - but how does that make Him any different from any other god? There are tons of holy gods out there - but a God that finds holiness in love... that would be something different.

It could be argued that God needed Jesus to live and that, in order to be fully human, Jesus had to die. He died because he was human. His life and resurrection is God in him. Could people follow Jesus not because of his gruesome death, but because He lived and lives? Is it possible that Christians have over glamorized the death of Jesus and underestimated the power of his life?

What if the sacrifice wasn't the death, or murder, but in Jesus coming and living as a human? What if Christians stopped saying "I am a Christian b/c Jesus died for my sins," and instead said "I follow Jesus because he loves me... and He shows it to me over and over again." Are we sin-obsessed in that we find our identity in our sin and not in our freedom and healing?

What do you think?

Refugee Adoption

I am reading a book called How Does It Feel To Be A Problem? by Moustafa Bayoumi. It is a collection of stories from American Arabs post 9/11. I find the stories of immigrants to be fascinating and significant. I know so few personally, so I am dependent on books such as this and Interpreter of Maladies to share them.

I think what I find so compelling is their perspectives - they see America and the world in such a different way. I find it refreshing. It is so easy for me to get lost or stuck in my own world - in my own interpretations and opinions.

So far the story of Rasha is my favorite. A young, independent Muslim that found a balance between her faith and the new culture. It was difficult and she faced a lot of obstacles - but she was determined and never lost heart. She became the president of her high school - wearing her headcovering and all in a secular public school in Brooklyn. Her eventual success wasn't able to make her conform. She stood firmly in who she was - an Arab Muslim - and crossed cultural divides and common misunderstandings with her courage.

Her story is powerful and inspiring. The other stories are as well. Another story is about a woman whose entire family was abruptly arrested after 9/11 b/c of suspicious neighbors. They spent three months in "detention" with no clear idea of what their charges were until finally released. Another story is about an American solider - called upon to flight in Iraq and the internal conflict he faced being Arab and fighting Arabs. And there are even more stories... but I can't write about them all.

It seems they all struggle intensely to discover who they are in a culture that assumes the worst and encourages fear. At the very least, it reminds me that we are humans - capable of inflicting pain on one another. We don't get to choose what country we're born in, the color of our skin, what language our family speaks, or what our culture will value. I could have been born as anyone... but here I am. American, Caucasian, and wealthier than most of the world. Like the people who shared their stories in the book, I must embrace who I am and make the most of it. And I hope to help others do the same - whatever ethnicity, culture and beliefs.

And so, of course, this leads me to think again of adoption. It is one possible way that we can contribute to the world. We recently heard of this program through the United Nations that finds families to host refugees, ages 10 to 18, in order to help them get educated. The main commitment of the family is to help the child get to college. To help break the cycle of poverty and war their home country now faces. I love this idea and like to think about how it might work out.

Berkeley could be a great place for this. It's diverse enough that an international youth would hopefully have the freedom to find out who they are without feeling pressured to conform one way It is home to the best public college in the nation. The child isn't a baby so we could keep working while they're at school. We could finish out the ground floor so they'd have a bedroom. We could show them what we know to be American and see what they think.

It's a great idea.

The hope that we have.

"I still struggle with a spiritual belief system that pitches an afterlife as its brightest reward, its light at the end of the tunnel -whether it's Christianity, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, whatever. Especially when that afterlife is entirely impossible to prove; it must be accepted on faith. Yet they talk as it if were a fact, and not just for themselves but for the people who don't even share their faith! And facts can be based on a lot of things, but faith isn't one of them."

"So, if heaven, an afterlife, an all-powerful God, and biblical truth aren't happening for you, what is" I asked Casper.

"Personal truth, Jim. And people realizing that their beliefs are just that: beliefs And that their faith is just that: faith. It's not factual, not visible, not tangible; it's just something they have chosen."

"So if you wanted Christians to hear one thing, what would you tell us?"

"I guess I'd just like Christians and church leaders to be more honest. Not just with me, but with everyone in their churches. Stop treating faith as a fact. Call it a hope. Call it confidence, not certainty. I guess I'd like some straight-shooting; 'Hi, Life is challenging. But we've found that being followers of Jesus has helped us. Maybe it could help you too.' That'd be refreshing. And I'd be interested in hearing more and asking questions. In short, I'd be interested in having a conversation."

(Jim and Casper Go To Church, pg. 145)

I Voted

"Vote on Godly Principles"

This post is a response to an article you can find HERE.

Basically, in my opinion, this article is suggesting that our government is Christian and that Christians must be Republican. See some quotes and thoughts below:

“Former U.S. Congressman Bob McEwen addressed students during Monday’s convocation, reminding them of the principles and values the country was founded upon.”

Growing up in the Midwest and in a very religious household, I was taught that our country was founded on principles that aligned with the Christian religion. And since I’ve never really studied history or government or the founding fathers beyond elementary school – it seemed good to me, so I didn’t question it. On the west coast, however, where I now live, I’ve met a lot of people who don’t believe this all. “They” argue that the founding fathers were Deists at best… and that is a huge stretch of historical facts to tie their beliefs to anything else.

Regardless of their personal spiritual preferences, the founding fathers all agreed that the freedom of religion and spirituality was important enough to establish laws to protect. In the midst of this conversation, I think this is the part that matters most. And I am not sure that most Christians understand the implications of what this really means. In order to establish a country that believes in and protects religious freedom, a country cannot be founded on any one religion. They would have to figure out what was most essential and human and commonly valued by all – regardless of religion – and base the country on that… hence the development of the Constitution.

This would lead me to conclude that our country was based on the Constitution, not on Christianity. Our religious freedom is what makes us different than most other countries. If you elect a candidate solely because he promises, or claims, to base his decisions on one religion – you begin to take away that freedom for all those people that follow other religions. America is a country of diversity – we have Mormons, Muslims, Atheists, Hindus, Buddhists… our beauty is found in our diversity. We must protect our freedom.

Side note:
The article goes on to say, “"Fewer taxes give us more freedom. A strong defense protects our freedom, and that's what government should do." Well… that’s a matter of opinion. It depends heavily on what taxes do and who they serve. Our defense depends heavily on how we use it – not on the how enormous it is. In the days of war when men fought each other face to face with guns and knives, this might be more important. In today’s world of bombs and explosions – the less the better.

Office Halloween Party

My office had a Halloween party at lunch today that included a pumpkin carving contest and a costume contest. I was nominated to be a judge for both so I didn't have to dress up or carve anything! The picture above is me and the other pumpkin judges giving out our awards - the one I am holding up won the "least amount of effort" award (somebody just used a black sharpie to mark a smiley face on it) and the other happy-go-lucky design won the "cheery spirit" award. The one just behind me is the first place winner - a carved out design of Obama's face!

Death Row Doctors...

In the book Better: A Surgeon’s Notes on Performance, the author, Atul Gawande, interviews doctors that are involved in death row executions. I have to admit that when I think about whether I approve or oppose of the death row, the doctors that have to carry out the sentence are the farthest thing from my mind. The interviews were fascinating – how did they end up in this line of work, how does it effect their view of medicine, how does it effect their view of themselves… no unnecessary drama or guilt… just a conversation.

Atul Gawande discusses the oath that physicians take in order to practice medicine. Here is the original oath, translated from Greek into English (emphasis mine):

I swear by Apollo, Asclepius, Hygieia, and Panacea, and I take to witness all the gods, all the goddesses, to keep according to my ability and my judgment, the following Oath.

To consider dear to me, as my parents, him who taught me this art; to live in common with him and, if necessary, to share my goods with him; To look upon his children as my own brothers, to teach them this art.
I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone.

I will not give a lethal drug to anyone if I am asked, nor will I advise such a plan; and similarly I will not give a woman a pessary to cause an abortion.

But I will preserve the purity of my life and my arts.

I will not cut for stone, even for patients in whom the disease is manifest; I will leave this operation to be performed by practitioners, specialists in this art.
In every house where I come I will enter only for the good of my patients, keeping myself far from all intentional ill-doing and all seduction and especially from the pleasures of love with women or with men, be they free or slaves.

All that may come to my knowledge in the exercise of my profession or in daily commerce with men, which ought not to be spread abroad, I will keep secret and will never reveal.

If I keep this oath faithfully, may I enjoy my life and practice my art, respected by all men and in all times; but if I swerve from it or violate it, may the reverse be my lot.

One of the questions Gawande asks the doctors is how their involvement with death row relates to this famous oath. Looking back over the wording of the actual oath, I understand that parts of it are clearly and obviously ignored by physicians now due to advancements in technology and law. However, regardless of whether a physician religiously holds to this oath or not, I tend to assume that they all continue to maintain a determination to cause no harm and to help those they serve. Hence my immense curiosities to hear what the physician’s thoughts on the subject are.

I believe that doctors aren’t required by law to be involved in executions… but have been requested due to accidents that happen with administering the doses… such as obese prisoners not dying immediately but slowly suffocating due to the paralysis they feel. Logically, we’d want a doctor to be there to cause the least amount of suffering while administering death, right?

The whole thing is slightly disturbing though I appreciate viewing this issue from another perspective. It helps me to rethink my opinions and views… to see a little bit more of the implications of some of the things we make removed decisions about. Though this has no relevance (that I know of) to any political discussions currently being engaged in our country – I wanted to write while the thoughts were still in my head…

political bread

This upcoming election is everywhere. Nearly every popular public place in Berkeley has people with campaign buttons and voter registration cards! You can't turn on the television without hearing the latest on Palin's fashion to Obama's grandmother. It's crazy! Regardless of the outcome, the energy and excitment in undeniable... at least in the SF bay. Even the local bakeries are getting involved!

my yelo

Two weekends ago, Mosaic hosted an event we call yelo. Here is the tagline from the website:

yelō uses the Gallup StrengthsFinder, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and Character Matrix to help individuals uncover their unique strengths and make their irreplaceable contribution to humanity. Join us for this unrivaled experience and discover the life you are created to live!

Our goal is to continue to develop yelo in order to impact and serve the Bay area - no strings attached, no set expectations or obligations for those who come. At this last event, my entire interiors team wanted to come! It was exciting to see how excited and interested they were in really making the most of this information.

So post-yelo we have decided to have one person a week, from the team of seven, share their strengths in their own words and then develop a few goals or tasks. I thought I'd volunteer to go first, as I've been exposed to yelo for a few years now and have had some extra time to think. I was so excited about it I wanted to post it for all my friends and family.

My top-five strengths:
Input:
I am inquisitive. I find so many things interesting – the world is full of variety and diversity and I am energized by keeping my mind fresh and open to knowing more. I am challenged by the unknown.

Intellection:
I am introspective. I am energized by taking time to process and reflect on the things I find interesting. I have a complex internal world – with my own board of directors. I like to pose questions to myself and try out different ideas. I am good at taking a lot of information and breaking it down into the most important or relevant parts.

Restorative:
I am energized by breaking down complexity and finding the core or source of problems/information. I thrive on independence and freedom – and being given the responsibility to find out different ideas/solutions.

Responsibility:
In the process, I tend to develop a psychological bond to the problems and information that I ponder. Because I am drawn to ideas and solutions, I am compelled to share them with those around me though I find the responsibility to carry them out to the maximum amount of detail to be overwhelming. I work best with clear boundaries… knowing what is expected of me.

Arranger:
I am committed to finding the best way or idea or solution possible. I am an example of “effective flexibility”, whether I am changing travel schedules at the last minute because a better fare has popped up or mulling over just the right combination of people and resources to accomplish a new project. Hence I will resist too much rigidity or structure – always keeping it open to change in case a better way is found.

Goals to develop strengths:
1. Organization: I can get lost in a sea of information and need to continue to develop effective systems to help retrieve or make the most of all the information.
2. Expression: I need to continue to find ways to express or share the information and thoughts that I develop.

Measurable Goals/Tasks for the office:
1. Making time to share ideas and information such as through in-house presentations, articles, or reviews.
2. Breaking down sustainability criteria into tangible tools other designers can use.
3. To be developed!

Racial Inequality

Recently, Kv had the pleasure of meeting the managing director of a local theatre. He was greatly inspired by her passion and vision for the Bay area and was compelled to see a performance there. So this weekend we went to see the play Yellowjackets, which was about Berkeley High School in 1993-94. The story was built around the students and staff involved with the high school newspaper that year. Through a series of controversial articles published in the paper, racial tension quickly emerged. The play was witty and compelling - I recommend it if you get a chance.

Another book I read earlier this year, but have yet to fully review, is Class Dismissed. It is also focused on BHS and the racial tension and inequality issues of the graduating class of 2000. The year I graduated…. though at that time I was in Kansas City. BHS seems to have developed a reputation as a microcosm of the country in this particular issue. It is the only high school in the city… with over 3,000 students of multiple ethnicities and material wealth. It provides an unending case study to sociologists, social justice, psychologists, professors, etc. Even walking by the campus – with its multiple buildings and formidable walls, ignites my curiosity. It reminds me of the high school I went to when we lived in Colorado… similar issues, similar student differences, similar prison looking buildings… though I never got the chance to graduate from there due to my family's relocation to KC.

My third encounter with this particular subject is also recent, regarding politics and race. Lately, NPR (National Public Radio) has been discussing the possible backlash that may occur regardless of which candidate gets elected next week. I am sure this topic isn't too surprising to anyone, yet it makes me feel so uneasy. A few weeks ago I awoke from a nightmare in which pro-White people randomly attacked African Americans throughout the country in retaliation. It wasn't too long ago that our country supported racial discrimination in the form of slavery. Can we keep this discrimination in the past where it belongs? I sure hope so.

Rockumentary

Last night we went and saw a “rockumentary” called Call and Response. I have to admit that I was reluctant to go specifically due to the intensity of the subject matter – Human trafficking/slavery. I tend to oppose subjecting myself to visually disturbing experiences under the guise of being able to relate or know more about a subject. I don’t need to see rape to understand the severity of its implications. I don’t have to see violence to understand its destructiveness. Yet somehow, I think our visual aid hungry society disagrees with me. Thankfully, this film didn’t.

I thought it was thoughtfully composed and creatively brilliant. Between different popular musicians playing a song on the subject matter, the film showed interviews with popular activists, photographs of some of trafficking’s victims and even provided commentary on some of the deep issues connected to this dark secret. I found the ability of the music to communicate passion and concern to be extremely powerful… penetrating the soul. I guess I hadn’t yet consciously connected the power of music with activism until I had it displayed right before me.

Never underestimate the power of music to create movement.

I really really needed to be reminded of that… to say the least.

Is that a good thing?

One of the senior members of my office told me I was "tenacious" today... in the context of sustainability and information. Tenacious is not a word I use very often - so I'm not entirely sure how to interpret it. I looked it up in the dictionary: holding fast; characterized by keeping a firm hold; highly retentive; pertinacious, persistent, stubborn, or obstinate. I am assuming that tenacious is a good thing... unless, of course, she is referring to the stubbornness...

On another note, last night was my second indoor soccer game. It was… character development, to say the least. We were short two people while the other team had four or five substitute players. At half time, the score was 6 to 0. They scored 7 more goals in the twenty-five minutes of the second half. I barely survived – and I mean this in reference to my heart turning evil. There was day when I played with the mentality that if I was going to lose, I was going to make the other team feel it the next day, to say the least. But I kept my mouth shut and I kept playing for the dang ball… against all odds, I still believed I could score if I had one more good play…

What I love most about playing soccer is that – when I am playing soccer, that is all I am doing. I am all there. All that matters is where my teammates are and where the ball is. When I emerge from the field I’m returning from another world. Hence the reason it is all too easy to let my competitive side drive me… anywhere. It is good to get to play again!

Garbage Land

I just finished a book called Garbage Land and loved it! It is long past it's library due date thanks to my determination to write a review. And so, before I owe the library it's value to own, I try to write.


The book is written by a journalist in the New York City area that follows her household garbage to it's final destination - including landfills, recycling centers, compost facilities, etc. I really appreciate her writing style in that she included her own thoughts as she did the facts. It makes a book that covers a mundane topic (to most) very witty and revealing. She uncovers the secret paths of garbage as a detective a crime mystery. I learned many random and interesting things that I thought I'd briefly share with you. I have to warn you, some of this news is rather grim - but I think it's important to be educated - in hopes that we can make more thoughtful and wise choices every day.


Some random facts:

1. A ten ton garbage truck gets three miles to the gallon.

2. 125 years ago the kitchen trash can didn't exist. Until the late 1880s, the stove was the principal means of disposal.

3. The largest active landfill in the United States is located in Whittier, California.

4. Nearly all waste transfer stations, landfills, wastewater treatment plants are located in low-income neighborhoods and communities of color. There are multiple studies that indicate higher rates of cancer, leukemia, and birth defects affect those who live within 250 feet of a landfill.

5. Local household chemicals, such as cleaners and shampoos, eat away at plastic liners in buried landfill sites - allowing "leachate" to contaminate underground water. (A good reason not to throw them away... or even buy toxic stuff in the first place.)

6. The NYC mob ran the waste business for some time before Giuliani ran it out.

7. An average of sixty percent of household waste can be composted.

8. As paper is recycled over and over again, it's fibers become shorter, making it only usable in lower grade paper products like cereal and shoe boxes. Inks, glues and dyes reduce the number of times clean white paper can be recycled to four. After being recycled four times, the short fibers are used in things like kitty liter and potting soil.

9. Virgin paper-making depletes forests and uses more water than any other industrial process. It dumps billions of gallons of contaminated water (with chlorinated dioxin) into nearby lakes and rivers. The process of recycling paper cuts water usage in half, provides jobs, and creates a sell-able product.

10. It is better to throw kleen-x and tissues into the toilet b/c sewage treatment plants decompose organic waste and paper - in a landfill, they might not decompose at all (due to lack of oxygen) or if they do, they would produce methane gas (a greenhouse gas).

11. We ship most of our "recyclables" (such as metals and plastics) to third world countries, of which 50 percent is contaminated. This waste is left for ragpickers to go through - or sent to factories where women and children work for less than thirty cents a day.

12. Plastic is not recyclable as metal, glass and paper are. "Streams of mixed plastic can be turned into only one other product (plastic wood, garden pavers, or toothbrush handles, for example). When their useful life is over, these products cannot be 'recycled' again. They have to be burned or buried. Either way, they add toxins to the environment. Unmixed streams are another matter: they actually can be refashioned into bottles and containers. But there isn't much demand from their makers for recycled plastic. Virgin is so much cheaper." (Garbage Land, pg. 190, Royte)

13. Human waste treatment plants do not address hormones and antibiotics flushed down the toilet by hospitals and patients.

14. "Biosolids" - the part of human waste that is left over in treatment plants, and municipal sludge - is commonly used as fertilizer by large industry ran farms. The use of manure as fertilizer is not new, however, this human waste is often unregulated (or loosely regulated b/c they don't know what else to do with it). It may contain many chemicals - including the bleach and unused medicine we flush down the toilet.

15. "For every barrel of trash you set on the curb, there are 71 barrels of waste generated upstream, in manufacturing all the stuff you bought, used for just a short amount of time, and then consigned to the dump. Municipal solid waste is only 2 percent of the entire U.S. waste stream: the rest is manufacturing waste, agricultural waste, mining waste, construction and demolition debris, and other rarefied categories." (pg. 3, Reading Group Guide, Garbage Land, Royte.)

Changes we've thought about since reading this book:

1. Composting. See blog post below for more information. I was familiar with the concept but uneducated about the benefits and our city does most of the work :)

2. Giving preference to products with recycled content to help promote the continued collection and production of recycled material. This includes paper towels, toilet paper, printer paper, etc. It can also include clothing, decorative items, rugs and carpet, etc.

3. Becoming a "plastic free" household. We use glass containers for left-overs, wood cutting boards and counters, metal water bottles, etc.

4. Purchase with end of life cycle in mind - this might mean spending more money for a higher quality product that we can keep longer and use more. For example, we recently needed to buy a new shower curtain. I looked at so many stores - I got frustrated. Most stores only offered cheap, vinyl curtains. We finally found a washable, cotton curtain - but there was a noticeable cost difference. However, due to my recent reading and my field of work, I was determined to find an alternative to vinyl.

5. Getting more involved in the manufacturing and design of consumer goods - and hope to help by designing better products. Durable products that stand the test of time, are made of renewable materials and are free of toxic chemicals.

6. Attending our city's waste informational meetings. The city provides opportunities for locals to learn about how they collect and distribute waste. It is also a good opportunity to learn about upcoming changes. (SF is banning the throwing away of all "sharps" starting September 1st. Apparently their waste sorting team was getting stuck by too many needles.)

Secrets of the sidewalk

"Remain inside."

Twice this week I've been asked to remain inside due to violence or police activity outside. The first time was at the office... an email warns us to "avoid the back lot due to police activity". We all receive the email simultaneously and look up - a group of about 20 moves to the windows wondering what could possibly be happening out there. We see nothing but a cop or two walking around.. the action is just out of view and we return to our desks.

Then last night - we arrived at a pizza/bar place down the street from a friends. We arrived at 10:30 and saw police cars parked across the street... but no activity. It looked similar to a police car pulling somebody over on the side of the road. We wondered why there were five police cars and hardly any people even out.

Within minutes, as we sit inside and order pizza - the servers go to the front and lock the doors - as a person running by bangs on the glass of the windows. We are asked by the bar to remain inside with drinks on the house until the police release us. We watch as hundreds of youth take off running in the street - and as police take out rubber bullet guns. We suspect a gang fight and now understand the overload of cops earlier. They knew what was coming.

Within the hour the streets are cleared yet a few police cars remain to enforce the peace. The bar tells us we are free to leave and asks us to be careful as we walk home.

We walk outside... the streets the same as the often are. I feel a mixture of emotions... At first it is unreal and my curiosity far outweighs my sense of fear, or reality. Then sadness, as I realize this isn't the film set of an action movie, but the real lives of some of those who live here. Then fear - this is not a joke - we begin to honestly pray that nobody gets hurt.

It is here one minute and gone the next. As we walk back to the car I tread carefully on the sidewalk - oh the stories the concrete holds in silence...

Twice this week. Twice too much.

The Greenest City in California

According to the Daily Californian, I live in the greenest city in California - Albany. At least, politically. That means my city is the most politically environmentally minded group in the state. Are our political views reflected in the way we live our lives? The article believes so, as it evaluates the number of hybrids and LEED buildings. However, both of these things, LEED and hybrids, tend to appeal to the small minority of us that can afford them. But the simple and small things - inexpensive and unimpressive - we can all do. Such as compost - Albany picks up all your organic and garden waste and composts it for you. All you have to do is throw your green waste into the bin. According to the book, Garbage Land, sixty percent of our daily household trash is compostable. That includes food stained paper and cardboard, unused vegetables, coffee grinds, and grass clippings (if any of us actually had grass). The hardest part about it is taking the time to dump the greens - before your kitchen starts to smell :)

Another small step - biking (or cycling if you prefer). Granted, you have to purchase a bike... but $400 for a simple road bike compared to the cost of a car - with insurance, gas, maintenance, etc. - it will pay itself off within a month. The Bay area has already built in numerous bike lanes and routes - and provides websites to help you navigate the city, such as 511.org. The perceptions of biking have got to change - from something only upper class people who need to exercise do - to something everybody can do. Heck - I see homeless people riding bikes all the time (which is a good reminder to keep them locked when not in use.) We recently gave up one of our cars and I've been riding my bike to and from work every day. Thankfully, in the SF Bay area this is relatively easy to do as my office is only four miles away from our house and as the temperature is usually somewhere in the low 60s in the morning. Perfect for a less sweaty early morning ride :)

The last thing I'll mention today is partnering with a CSA (community supported agriculture) program. We have a delivery site for Full Belly Farm less than 200 feet from our house - and there are multiple delivery sites throughout the East Bay. This might not sound simple initially - and the cost might raise some doubt - but the $17 we pay twice a month provides almost too much vegetables for our small family to eat. It saves me a trip to the grocery store, keeps us seasonal and local, and I love the challenge of figuring out how to use all the stuff we get. Beyond that, the Ecology Center in Berkeley is determined to widen access to local farmer markets to make them more affordable for all. They have volunteers set up small sidewalk stores all over the city on different days of the week.

Waste reducing compost, oil free bike riding, and vegetable providing CSA's are some of those simple, inexpensive steps that all East Bay residents can aspire to - so that our "greenness" isn't measured just by hybrids and LEED buildings alone - but by the way we change our life in the small things.

Day 12 of 21

Barely hanging on. My determination to stick to the fast dissipated on day 11. I caved at dinner when a server put a bread basket right in front of my plate. I caved later that night when somebody gave me a gift basket full of chocolate. Man... am I feeling it today! I am not ready to quit though... and I think we'll make this last week more spiritual than the previous ones. The first two were more about detox and health. The last one will be about restraint and pursuing our community. That should help strengthen our resolve for the last seven days!

Though the results of the first 12 days haven't been near as dramatic or noticeable as I was hoping (at least for me), there are some things I've noted:
1. Meal planning is significantly quicker because the meals are simplified. Adding meat and dairy adds so much more complexity - so much more planning and preparation.
2. Meal planning is essential. I must think about what foods are available and plan ahead - to prevent moments of desperation for things that don't really satisfy.
3. Food is personal. We've had more conversations about food than I can count. Everybody's background and culture contribute significantly to the things we choose to eat.
4. We don't know much about food. In many of our conversations, we'll discuss our beliefs about food. One friend was fully convinced grapes were completely empty of vitamins. Another promises the skin is the most healthy part. Another person swears by tomato juice. We aren't even sure what "whole grain" even really is.
5. I'm tired. The first few days I'd fall asleep by 10pm. The night I caved and ate chocolate (at 9:30pm) I was up until 3am. All those dang sugars...
6. It is readily apparent how stubborn I am. Some days I will literally wait until I am starving before I'll eat a fruit or a vegetable or a nut or a grain.
7. Fruit and granola tastes great. This is one new food I am hoping to continue eatting after the fast.
8. It is cheap. Cutting out animal products cuts out a lot of cost.
9. I just want to eat some chocolate.

Nine more days left!

Day 3 of 21

We started a 21 day detox this week – in an attempt to help ourselves make “healthier” food choices by breaking some of our addictions (to meat, sugar, processed stuff). Our current food choices include all vegetables and fruit, whole wheats, oats, barley, etc., nuts and beans.

The first two days my excitement about getting healthier sustained me. Today, though, I don’t want to eat any of the approved foods. I am thankful that I spend most of my days at the office because it helps limit my access. Today I sat at my desk starting at my salad, thinking I’d rather go hungry than eat it. But eventually I gave in to my hunger and consumed the salad.

You may be laughing – thinking how hard can it really be? But we are not fruit and vegetable people! I keep hoping that somehow this will change my attitude towards vegetables. Maybe I’ll actually want to eat them! But as my initial excitement wears off, my hope slowly diminishes. Today I dread eating – not another vegetable or fruit or bean please!

Incomplete thoughts about pigs

The phrase "the pigness of pigs" keeps swirling around in my mind and I find my thoughts returning to it regardless of how irrelevant to the moment it is. I first came across this phrase as I was reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan. In this section of the book he was visiting a truly organic small farm in Virginia and working alongside the interns and farmers. The day he used the phrase is the day he witnessed the pigs plowing through manure. Unfortunately I can't remember all the details (like what animals did the manure belong to, chickens or cows?) but I'll try to paint a vague picture so you'll appreciate the phrase as much as I did. I guess that pigs like something in manure and as they plow through it the hooves of their feet compost the pile into incredibly rich soil (which is then put over the fields). Pollan was explaining the complexity of relationships on the farm and how beautifully the entire system works together.



He was amazed as he watched their little tails wiggle as they worked their way through the pile. I guess pigs are relatively intelligent animals and can express happiness and also despair. On this little organic farm, the pigs wiggled their tails in pleasure. In factory farms, their tails are cut off so that as they move through the assembly line, the pig behind them won't be tempted to chew it – as they tend to do when in despair.


I am laughing as I type – here I am talking about manure and pig tails. Yuck! I can't believe the kind of stuff my gnawing curiosity will drive me to read!



The book continues with a discussion on how both the organic and factory farm pigs are, in a sense, exploited. One exploits them as a matter of efficiency and production, the other as a way of "celebrating" what the pigs naturally love to do. The small, organic farm had mastered "the pigness of the pigs."



One possible reason this phrase is soaking in my thoughts is because of its correlation to what I believe Mosaic is attempting to do (as I said, in my mind.) There is a type of church that exploits humans for the sake of safety. The other exploits humans as a tool of empowerment to change the world. Utilizing the "humanness of the humans" in a sense. I think that one type of church is convinced all "humanness" is bad while the other is attempting to empower the parts of "humanness" that reflect the image of God.



In the end, both pigs will be slaughtered and it is the meat that will determine their end value. Some may argue that since both ways achieve the same end – why does it matter what method was used to get them there? It is a valid question, to be sure, and one I don't think I can address in this post. I know I am leaving so much left undiscussed...



I know that as I write about this I am over-simplifying in great ways. The "pigness of the pig" doesn't easily translate into the "humanness of the human", especially if the farm is substituted for the church. However, I think its worth some thought – I know it will be in mind for quite awhile.

Person of Peace

Speak the Music event last week – an event dedicated to supporting the art of beatboxing. I absolutely LOVED it – I spent most of the night in awe of the all of the different sounds.

I caught my mind scheming about different ways to change myself to “fit in” here – to be more like them – with the music and passion I so admire.

Oh it all sounds so dumb in a post!!

Moving on… I don’t like to think of myself as one who wants to “fit in” at all. Normally I’d reject the idea altogether with a laugh. But then Speak the Music happened – and now I have undeniable proof – of my longing to be accepted. To belong.

For a lot of my life I’ve felt like I didn’t quite fit. I wasn’t the daughter my mother dreamed of having. I wasn’t skinny enough, fast enough, bold enough. I spent many years in silence being shy. I don’t remember speaking much at all in middle school. I went through so many stages – with every new crowd I’d try a new thing. Like that time I tried to be a “skater” for a month. I borrowed a black pair of Jinkos from a friend and pretended I could ride a skateboard. Then I tried the pot-smoking crowd. They were so friendly and accepting. But I really didn’t care to smoke, though I tried. Then there was the church youth group – but the only reason I fit there for awhile was because my mother convinced the older girls to have pity for me and take me in. (When they accidentally became my real friends, they told me the truth.) Then there was the gangster stage when I learned some slang, braided my hair, and pretended I was “street smart.” The list goes on and on… maybe I should call it “The People I tried to be”.

In the last few years, my disdain for myself has become unavoidable and readily apparent. I was never enough… for me. Of course I could blame it on my parents, but as the time continues to pass and the distance between us grows, it becomes more of a stretch. I can’t keep blaming others for the things I chose to believe.

I spent so many years as a wanderer – lost – searching. I traveled around the world – to China, Europe, Africa, and South America – all in search of myself.

I remember why I hated living in Los Angeles so much. It wasn’t me and I wasn’t enough. The flawless beauty and fashion of the women around me only helped me remember myself as plain and ordinary. I remember a year and a half into it, when I finally found the words to say “I don’t like who I’ve become.”

What then? Where do you go next? I had to endure. I survived. My determination outweighed my faintness of heart. Because although I may be lost – I am not a quitter. (Though I quit like 15 jobs in high school – but that was then.)

Then, finally, we moved here. Here. I determined last night that regardless of whether or not I ever married Kevin, we (God and I) would have eventually came here. I don’t know how long it would have taken – but we would be here. This is my place of peace. This is the time for my heart to heal and accept who I am and who I am not… and live. There is something to be said about a person of peace. I want to be that person.

Season of Silence

I’ve been on a reading binge. My hunger for knowledge and new information compels me to retreat into my thoughts. With every page, I feel myself pulled deeper and deeper – into the expanses of my mind. It is an unending voyage. I could set sail and disappear forever in the adventures of the infinite horizon.

Though the ring of my cell phone quickly brings me back to the front porch where I now sit, it takes me nearly a half hour to transition my mind – to tie up the boat and step back onto the dock. Promises to return help calm my irritation.

Back in the busyness I feel slightly awkward and out of place. Not much has changed since I’ve been gone – but I feel so different. I even begin to wonder if I left my social skills behind… or if I ever had them to begin with. I want to apologize and tell them not to worry, “I am just an introvert,” yet those words make me cringe. I do not want to be misunderstood. I love people. The intensity of my curiosity could drive me to devote hours and days and weeks and months to studying their thoughts. I could stand in silence forever just to be able to listen to their voices.

Iron Jawed Angels

Ishmael the Gorilla, Part II

Did God stop creating once man was created?
Was the world created for man... or was man created to be part of all creation?
What did the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil represent?
What if we had ate from the Tree of Life instead?
Does intelligence evolve over time?

To use a metaphor that Ishmael mentioned, I feel like a tourist in my hometown. Residents don't act like tourists because they don't need to - they know their land. They know the monument that sits in the town square and the boats that sail in the bay. There is no need to revisit them and take pictures to refer back to - for they are embedded in our minds and in our consciousness - or are they? I feel like a tourist in my hometown. I thought I knew what it looked like, but at a second glance I am surprised. Is this what I saw last time I was here? Is this what the tourists see?

Everybody has colored lenses that they view life through. Our lenses are built from our past - our experiences, our thoughts, our personalities, our talents, our hopes, our dreams... they are uniquely ours. Often times it seems we search for people in life that have similar lenses to our own. Its only natural I think - a result of an innate desire to belong to someone, with something. To belong.

And now I'm twenty five. There is nothing special about my age - but it has changed my quest - my search. My desire to belong has not disappeared, nor has it been checked off as if I've managed to complete it - a new quest has merely filled my time and my thoughts. I can't quite name it yet and I hesitate to do so. As if slapping on a name would confine the quest in unexpected ways. All I know is this - before I was even aware of what I was doing, I've managed to slip on different pairs of lenses. Lenses so different, sometimes contrasting, to the one I once refused to live without.

At times I feel fear - as if I'm losing my mind or on the verge of going crazy. At other times I feel enlightened - as if I'm seeing life for the very first time.

I'll leave you with a quote from Ishmael, a very different, abstract lens...
"In other words, the world doesn't need to belong to man - but it does need man to belong to it. Some creature had to be the first to go through this, had to see that there were two trees in the garden, one that was good for gods and one that was good for creatures. Some creature had to find the way and if that happened, then there was just no limit to what could happen here. In other words, man does have a place in the world, but its not his place to rule. The gods have that in hand. Man's place is to be the first. Man's place is to be the first without being the last.
Ishmael, pg. 243, Daniel Quinn

Ishmael the gorilla

Last night I started reading the first book I’ve ever checked out of the library (at least since we’ve moved here) – Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. The book immediately captivated me and as I sit in my office this morning, I dream about being able to read again. Nine more hours till I get to re-enter into the adventure… nine more hours.

While I wait, and as I work, I think about what I’ve read so far. In the two chapters I’ve had the pleasure of reading, the book talks about the captivating effects of culture. Like an animal forced to move forward in a stampede – so the movement of culture can make us face a direction we didn’t exactly choose. It talks about how culture whispers to us constantly – a voice so consistent that it disappears into the background. Like a constant buzzing – it is always there, just under the radar of our consciousness.

My thoughts wander to a news update I heard this morning as the alarm went off. It was a report from Texas about the upcoming elections. The reporter was interviewing a few people from one of those massive mega churches. When asked about who they would vote for, the Christians remarked, “Well of course we’re voting for Huckabee because he’s a Christian.” After a few more seconds, and a few more comments directed at Hillary and the roles of women in leading, I couldn’t stand it anymore and had to turn it off. I calmed myself by imagining that if I silenced my radio it somehow silenced it to the rest of the world.

Now back to culture – I ponder the relationship between Jesus and culture. He was magnificently relevant yet counter-cultural at the same time. The more I learn about him, the more I admire his mysticism and genius. The church, or rather the body of believers that follow Jesus, have a difficult model to imitate. When I think about the Texas mega Christians I can’t help but think they missed it – they thought that creating their own sub-culture apart from the “worldly” one would be sufficient… but, in my opinion, it only led to estrangement and alienation of others different from them. I say this, realizing how tempting it is to do just this – to create a safe place, a refuge – to keep moving forward with culture yet feel protected by your own walls. I could easily fall into making the same choices – but my location and my experience have led me down a different path from them. Indeed, I’m sure I’ve created my own walls around different subjects and for different purposes – but we’ll save that discussion for another day.

So what does this look like – how will we do it – be magnificently relevant yet counter-cultural? I don’t think I can figure it out today, or on my own accord, but I’m excited for the journey.

Take Back My TV

Women of the church

Here I go again, causing trouble. I promise, it's not intentional. And I am not the least bit angry as I write... and I am definitely not trained in "writing" so please be gracious with me as I engage this conversation...

To start, the topic of women leadership has been on my mind A LOT. It seems to come up in a lot of my conversations and it is always in the back of my mind as I process thru different areas. Shortly before the holidays, I ran across this book, Microtrends, and I had to read it. The reason I mention this book is because it backs up the increasing sense of urgency I've felt around women leadership/involvement. The book immediately starts out by talking about the rising number of single women in the United States - and how they outnumber men 53 to 47. It goes on to talk about women outnumbering men in fields like law, public relations, and journalism. Women outvoted men 54 to 46 percent in the 2004 presidential election. Women outnumber men in college by about 57 to 43 percent. And it doesn't stop there - single women were the second largest group of home-buyers in 2005. It goes on to talk about the large percentage of women that own or manage their own business, how women purchase more cars than men... and on and on. Basically, if we look at the statistics, the United States of America is quickly becoming all about women. Women owned, managed, designed...

I fear that if women leadership/involvement is not made a serious priority - the church will lose relevance with over half of the United States.

I'll conclude sharing one thought - this is one of the most liberating thoughts I've come across so far concerning women and God - and the main reason I've become increasingly concerned that men misunderstand who God is.

In the introduction to the book, The End of All Religion, Bruxy Cavey says "I should also take this opportunity to mention that I use the male pronouns "he" and "him" in reference to God with both regret and conviction. The Bible does not teach that God is male. God is Spirit, within whom maleness and femaleness both find their origin and identity (see Genesis 1:26-27; John 4:24). And here we encounter the limitations of language. English, like the original languages of the Bible (Hebrew and Greek), does not provide us with a gender-inclusive, singular, personal pronoun. And I don't want to refer to God in impersonal terms. (He is not an it.) Therefore, I use male pronouns because of my conviction that God is personal, not because I think he is male. Further, I wish to align my syntax with the ancient languages."

Sometimes advertising works

One of my co-workers is from Germany. Another is from Denmark. I love to hear them answer the phone when a family member calls - as they speak their native language. It is one of my favorite things about California - the diversity of people. In the grand scheme of things, we are all alike in that we are human. It's the small things that can make us so very different.

A perfect example, is assuming both co-workers were unmarried because they didn't have a ring on their left hand. When I finally asked her, my friend from Germany explained that they (Europeans) wear wedding rings on their right hand. Same finger, different hand. It wasn't until a week later at work, that I realized my co-worker from Denmark wears a ring on her right hand - hence the reason I always assumed she was unmarried. And it's not the type of ring that shouts "American engagement" either - they are bands without diamonds that they receive only on their wedding day (not at their engagement). My German friends also told me that they don't spend a "ridiculous" amount of money like Americans do either.

Wow - we really gave into the diamond advertising didn't we?

Microtrends: Swing is Still King

I am currently reading Microtrends - written by Mark Penn - a guy that built a career out of gathering information and turning them into useful statistics. The book emphasizes the significance of 1 percent of the population. One percent. One percent of people making a similar choice - contrary to mainstream - that can create a movement capable of changing the world. It's not a book about how they will change the world, but about how they could. It's a fascinating study of what could be.

The book covers everything - Love, Sex, Relationships, work life, race and religion, health and wellness, family life, teens, lifestyle, money and class, fashion... Every area of life you could imagine. Of course it has a section on politics as well - and today, that is the section most on my mind.

Rather than try to rephrase his work, I'll include some quotes below. I've said this before and I'll say it again - it's an exciting time to be alive. Change is in the air.

"In the past fifty years, the number of Americans who call themselves Independents, rather than Democrats or Republicans, has grown from under one-quarter to over one-third of the voting public. In California alone, the proportion of Independent voters more than doubled between 1991 and 2005. The fastest growing political party in America is no party."

"That is a radical new willingness on the part of Americans to look at individual candidates, not party slates. It's the sign of a thinking electorate, not a partisan one."

"The power of the swing voters versus the base is not limited to the United States. In the U.K., there is the same kind of shift making the difference between Labour and Conservative governments. Once again, voters free of the party reins switch back and forth, most often based on who they believe will make the best leader, not which party they believe has the right platform."

"The impact is profound. The movement to watch is really the global Third Way movement - the triumph of pragmatic, independent thinking over left- or right-wing theology."

It's an exciting time to be alive. Change is in the air.

Back into the deep end.

This afternoon I practiced walking with my eyes closed. It was an unplanned activity that took place on the Berkeley Marina pier. It happened quite accidentally – I was savoring the heat of the sun on my face and the wind blowing against my back – and couldn’t help but close my eyes. Do you think I’m crazy yet? Or maybe I’m just strange?

I am okay with strange.

Home for the holidays

Over the holidays, Kevin and I went to Kansas City to visit our families and friends. One morning, everybody in the house was gone and I had a few hours to myself. I sat in a chair, looking out the window, watching the snow fall. It was beautiful.

I can see Him so clearly out there. In the peace – the way the snow falls gently to the ground. In the tree branches, I can see Him move. His voice travels with the wind and blows against the house. I take a deep breath and let the natural beauty soak into my soul. I could sit there forever.

The banging of doors and the sound of voices breaks the silence and I have to turn away from the window to greet the family. I look over my shoulder, towards the snow, as if to say “goodbye” - as I know the busyness of family and friends will soon capture my attention and I’ll quickly forget the snow.

Several hours later I am sitting on the bed, the house is silent. I stare outside the window, but into darkness. I long for the peace and beauty of this morning… but all I can see is my reflection in the glass. I sigh and reassure myself that tomorrow the snow will still be there – He will still be there.

I lay on my bed and ask myself, “If God is so easy to access by looking out the window, if God can be found in the simple beauty of nature, where does Jesus fit in? Why does Jesus say he is ‘the way, the truth, and the life’ if I can see God clearly just by looking outside?”

The simplicity of the answer shocked me as I heard, “Because it doesn’t last.”

The peace, the silence, the beauty – it disappears as you turn away from the window. Try as I might, I can’t keep it within me. No matter how long I sit and stare and try to memorize the snow – its beauty and peace and stillness escape my mind’s attempts to define and hold it.

What about all those moments in life when you don’t have access to a window?

Besides, since when did staring out the window help me love my husband? Or empower me to forgive? When I’m staring out the window – the world is all about me. I’ve heard the thoughts in my head – I’ll tell Him, “It’s just you and me now.” I don’t have to love a single person. The beauty, the stillness, the peace, is unchanged by the condition of my heart.

If anything, Jesus turned my head that night. Stop looking for Me outside, and look inside. Is peace, stillness and beauty there? Look for Me here.

Vote Help

Not sure which candidate is right for you? VoteHelp is an easy to use nonpartisan candidate calculator that tracks the main politicans' stands on important issues. Input your opinions, weight the importance of the issues, and find out how each candidate's views match your own!

How much water do you use?

A new website with a H2O calculator helps you figure out how much water you actually use. I use way more than I like to admit. What can I say - I LOVE long, hot showers :)

H2O Conserve

Second time champ

I finally found something I can beat him at! Disneyland Buzz Lightyear ride. Mosaic Staff Christmas Party December 21, 2007.

Movie Support

Last weekend a small group of us went to see the movie The Golden Compass. We haven't heard too much about it here in the SF area - except in reference to it's graphics or sci-fi/fantasy genre (which many, many SF people are seriously into). However, when I called a few friends back in Kansas, they mentioned a lot of controversy around the film - and some even questioned my "support" of a film such as this. To be clear, I am not bothered at all by these questions. I find skepticism and questioning to be healthy and even enjoyable. So I respond in this post not out of a need to defend myself - but out of a playful desire to engage in even more meaningful dialogue.

I liked the movie. In fact, the themes it introduced I find extremely important and worth fighting for. Themes such as freedom - the right to think and live. Themes such as souls - what shapes them, when are they shaped, what do they look like? Themes such as good and evil - is it the means or the ends that defines which side you are on?

I am proud to "support" our freedom to think and even to disagree. The minute we stop "supporting" those who disagree with us is the moment we kill the very thing we are trying to protect - life.

I support humanity. I support freedom. I support thinking. And if it leads to conclusions I don't like - I'll be patient - and hear the other human being out. Will you?

Ouch

My office has lunchtime yoga twice a week on Mondays and Fridays. Today was my first attempt to join a few fellow co-workers. All I can say is "ouch". One thing I love about yoga is that it is a completely different experience every time you do it. It is as varied as the instructors that teach it. Fifty plus (aged) women and men were doing stretches I could barely get into to. I am just glad I can still walk.

Best Friend

Throughout high school and college, I refused to use the words, "best friend." I refused to choose one person, among so many, to hold this place. It felt confining, limiting, and suffocating - to have to label one person this way when my life was surrounded by so many amazing, selfless, loving people. Even at my wedding, there was no single "maid of honor". In fact, the program listed every single woman as a Maid of Honor. My sisters, my roommates... I lived in a world filled with best friends.

The beauty of it came from its flexibility - like ocean waves at the beach - different people rolled in and out at different times. A once distant friend would became a close ally; but as time changes, they might fade or roll back for awhile.

Refusing to use a label gave us all a sort of freedom. Freedom to withdraw and return. Freedom to change. Freedom to grow in different ways - sometimes to grow apart and sometimes to grow incredibly close.

And then we moved to Los Angeles… and I found myself in a relational desolate place. I went in – idealistic and hopeful. I came out – bruised and skeptical.

This post isn’t going to be a sad recap of the hardships I faced… or an opportunity to feel sorry for myself – as tempted as I might be. Instead it’s about finding hope and friends in the places I least expected, or the places I previously didn’t consider. Friendships in Los Angeles took tremendous determination and initiation. Sometimes these efforts produced beautiful friendships but sometimes they ended in heartbreak and emptiness.

There is one friendship, however, that stands above them all. There were times I was mean and fiercely independent. There were times I was at peace and able to laugh. Through them all he never gave up on me. Though I may have shifted like the tide of the sea, his friendship and loyalty never faltered. He is consistent and calm – though we never could have imagined the hardships we faced.

He won’t tell me what to do – though sometimes I try to get him to tell me all the answers. He jokes when I am trying to be serious. He waits outside the bedroom door when I won’t let him in. He makes time to do house chores even when we are both busy.
But most importantly, he wouldn’t let me push him away, try as I might.

And so a new type of freedom emerges behind the label of “best friend”. A freedom I had not known before. A friend that loves at all times. A friend that loves in the midst of the uncertainty and the unknown. A friend that is willing to forgive again and again when I let him down.

If I hadn’t faced the relational desolate Los Angeles – I might not have been able to cherish his friendship as deep. And although I sometimes wonder if he’s the ONLY friend I have… He is the one that matters most. He is my home. He is my best friend.

Blessed Unrest

"Books that influence us often contain ideas we already recognize due to intellectual preparation or predilection; rather than casting thunderbolts from the blue, they may unlock sensibilities from within."
Paul Hawken, Blessed Unrest, pg. 74

I picked up the book tonight to begin reading from the place where I last stopped - about 1/3rd of the way in - and decided to start from the beginning again. I read it faster this time and managed to pass by the last words I recognized to the end of the chapter. It's revolutionary. I believe I'll read it many more times.

This book is about the "unnamed movement". I can't possibly explain in one blog post what this entails... but I can barely conceal my excitement - as I realize with each word that I read that I am very involved in the unnamed - but have been awkwardly unable to find words to explain it... even now. The "sensibilities from within" are rising up in my soul faster than I have time to capture them with words. I could dedicate a million blogs to it... and still find myself at a loss of words.

Some quotes from the end of the last section I read:
(In a chapter discussing Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Thoreau and Emerson)

"We face such forks a million times a day, even in the space of a breath. Life is permeated with possibility at every instant. What distinguishes one life from another is intention, the one thing we can control."

"Individuals start where they stand and... make the road by walking."

"For him (Thoreau) there were no inconsequential acts, only consequential inaction."

The Six Sins of Greenwashing

"Green-wash (green'wash', -wôsh') – verb: the act of misleading consumers regarding the environmental practices of a company or the environmental benefits of a product or service."
From TerraChoice - environmental marketing group

"A study of 1,018 "green" products from big-box stores has found that all but one were marketed with false or misleading eco-claims. Researchers from TerraChoice Environmental Marketing called out products for committing the "Six Sins of Greenwashing": a hidden tradeoff ( e.g., toxin-loaded electronics touting their energy efficiency); no certifiable verification of green claims; flat-out lying about certification; vagueness (e.g., products claiming "all natural" status, which could include hazardous substances that occur naturally); irrelevance ( e.g., products claiming to be CFC-free even though CFCs have long been banned); or a lesser-of-two-evils situation (e.g., organic cigarettes). Cascade paper towels were the big -- and only -- winner, with claims of being chlorine-free, having recycled content, and having legitimate logos checking out as accurate."

See original article HERE.

Our house

As seen on Thanksgiving Day 2007. For more photos from that day, click HERE.

Free Hugs Campaign

happy thanksgiving

Earthquake

Last night, the eve of Halloween, we experienced our first earthquake. A magnitude 5.6 that lasted for 15 seconds! It felt as though our house was sitting on top of our washing machine. By the time I realized what was going on... it was too late to react. We sat on the floor of our living room and watched everything shake. Not hard enough to break anything or move it too far. Closer to the epicenter, some stores had to close to pick up the things that fell off the shelves. I have heard of at least one other store that had windows broken. Aside from that, nothing major. I'm proud to say I've survived an earthquake!

Mosaic Bay experiments with music

All music is written and produced by the artist(s) shown.

Blog Action Day

Today is blog action day. A day were thousands... potentially millions... of bloggers unite together to post about issues that matter. To be fair, I should say "the issue that matters"... that's right - the environment. And it also happens to be the one day my thoughts are nowhere near the environment and sustainability. Dang it.

Instead, I'm dreaming of writing a book... I wrote the disclaimer and introduction today. Maybe tonight I'll work on chapter one??

Spiders, lighting, the color blue... these are the thoughts of the day.

How do you know?

When your mind starts racing and you can actually feel your heart beat... how do you know if it's just childlike excitement or your soul and your mind converging? How do you know if it's just emotion and anxiety... or God pressing your spirit? How do you know if it's rebellion and stubbornness that pulls you forward instead of humility and grace? How do you discern? From where in the infinite universe are these thoughts coming from? Why do I love to ponder them... yet find myself unable to express them? This tightness in my chest... is it something burning within me that needs to get out... or just my insecurities causing anxiety? I don't know what to do with them all... these thoughts. Sometimes I feel as though we are on the brink of greatness... as though we are just on the verge of a discovery that has the potential to affect all humanity... and sometimes I wonder if I am just worried... or restless... or anxious...

How do you know?

Master of the Obvious

"That is why the best teachers are masters of the obvious. They see the same things we do, but they are aware of so much more. And when they point it out, it changes the way we see everything." Rob Bell: Velvet Elvis

My new goal in life: to be a master of the obvious. My husband recently told me I was good at "identification." Identifying things... calling things out as they are... able to discern the heart or truth behind things... able to see and identify. I drive him crazy with this: as I am easily able to identify problems. This odd strength... that at one time made me wonder if I was just more "negative" than others... now makes so much more sense. Beyond that, it is no longer limited to just problems. I think I am learning to see more and more. LA took me so far out of my comfort zone... but I had to be pulled away from all that I knew in hopes that I'd get to know so much more.

And now we find ourselves in the Bay. I am working temporarily for an architecture firm in San Francisco... Brereton Architects while considering an offer from Ratcliff. And... Mosaic as usual. I've felt so overwhelmed at times. And distracted. I can't wait to get this career stuff off my mind... but I am starting to realize that it will never go away. I think I will always be job searching, always wondering, always reconsidering.

Today I met with the Young Life director of the East Bay and we talked a lot about youth. My curiosity started to grow and my thoughts turned to wondering if I could get a masters in economics and teach at the high school. I could be the soccer coach as well :)

Economics and high school? What will I think of next?

On a more personal note

Since my blog has taken a turn towards focusing on sustainability... I've decided to interrupt my flow with a more personal blog entry. The following post is a glimpse into my mind from earlier this week.

Tuesday, September 11th:
I went for a walk today and I wonder if the adventure it became symbolizes my state of mind. This week has been harder on me than all the rest. I feel as thought I've been in a funk and I can't pinpoint why. Things from the move have finally settled down. I've grown used to the mismatched cabinets and the doors that won't shut all the way. I don't mind the dresser in the living room or the huge piece of cardboard that covers the window. And so now, new challenges rise to the top of this cup of life.

I went for a walk today. We live maybe a mile out from the waters edge and I was desperate for its peace to wash over me. However, as I walked along in the middle of the afternoon, I soon realized I could not get to the edge. A chain link fence, a freeway, a train, and random factories all laid in my way. I'd turn to the right and see a seemingly endless walk along the freeway with no overpass in sight. To the left, some building or factory blocked off any hope of cutting through. But I was determined, so I walked.

One mile, two miles, three miles, four... still no pathway to the waters edge. When my pace began to lag as my legs grew weary, I took the way I knew would lead me home - away from the water. It teases me so close, yet so far away.

"So I find myself at the brink" just kidding - that was a quote I keep hearing in my head from Leonardo DiCaprio. So I find myself in a new dilemma. Mosaic is charging ahead with more help soon on the way. As for me, well, what lies ahead remains unclear. No job openings yet... although I've found plenty for childcare and tutors. If only I was passionate about other people's kids!

So close but so far away. Something keeps redirecting my path. Something is blocking the way, as if to say, "It's just not time yet".

I sit on the front porch as the sun sets, trying to create more job options for myself, but nothing new comes to mind, at least for now. So I will wait, and see what tomorrow holds. I guess I better enjoy my view of the freeway while it lasts.

Ray Anderson on Sustainability

I had the privaledge of hearing Ray speak while I we were living in Los Angeles. I love his perspective on things... b/c his focus is not on global warming, but on giving life. This ten minute video is very inspiring. It talks about the power of business and what impact it makes on life. Well worth watching if you are interested in the movement of sustainability at all!

The Yes Men... Is this really legal?

Since things are starting to "settle down" a little more... I've spent more time working on finding a new job. I've sent out a few resumes and portfolios, but so far, no openings or interest shown yet. I am looking for work in the East Bay so that I don't have to commute. I am not sure what I will find. This is taking longer than I expected but I guess I'm not too upset about the time off (yet). We'll see how long we can financially handle this "break". I've actually been working full time since the moment we got here... just for free. :) For Mosaic.

This weekend we have our first "branding" event (aka. getting our name out so people become familiar with Mosaic). We will have a booth set up at something called Solano Stroll. Solano is a popular street less than a block from our house. It has numerous restaurants and shops along it. Solano Stroll happens once a year and attracts up to a quarter of a million people. Can you believe that? It sounds unreal to me, so we'll see what happens. Anyways, we are setting up a booth and handing out free $5 BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) cards with the Mosaic logo and website on them. We just want the community to know we exist and that we care by giving them a free gift (no strings or expectations attached.) The theme for Solano Stroll is "Going Green - It's Easy" so along with our BART gift, I've made a handout of my top ten green tips. I hope it is well received and that if anything, people know we are here, that we care about humanity, and them. I'll let you know how it goes.

On another note, I was reading the Corporate Watchdog Radio blog as I was job searching today and came across a post about The Yes Men. They are men who impersonate corporations at conferences, TV shows, interviews, etc. in order to embarrass corporations. So basically they "pretend" to be representatives of large companies like McDonald's or Exxon Mobile and go to conferences and tell people outrageous things to make the companies look bad. They made a movie about it in 2003, called The Yes Men. I can't believe how successful they've been. Crazy!

Chocolate and slave trade?

Just found this blog, Ethur, through Relevant magazine. Pretty sweet blog... one of the Ehur projects is the Junky Car Club... which Kevin and I could totally belong to right now! It's a car club devoted to living with less so that we can give more. Our membership would be unintentional due to our changing circumstances... so we might as well make it official and for a good cause. The blog also had a post about slavery and chocolate... some documentary that explains the issue. Not too good for any Nestle product!

Tony Chocolonely

This guy prosecuted himself for supporting slave trade through his consumer choices. I can't believe it. See the trailer to hear what the Supreme Court thought.

CSA: Community Supported Agriculture

Today we joined Full Belly Farm's CSA! On Friday's we will get a box of vegetables and fruits from a farm outside of the city.

A note from their website: www.fullbellyfarm.com
By belonging to the CSA, members support organic farming practices that are healthful for people and the environment. They also have the opportunity to eat the freshest, most nutritional produce available.

I also can't garden yet. Our yard is a massive mess that I have yet to challenge. I've been going for walks around our neighborhood checking out people's plants and gardens, trying to get an idea of where to start and what grows well here. Someday we'll have some sort of garden/plants.
Did I mention CSA's are a great way to cut down on trips to the grocery store?

Pictures of our house are coming soon!

Another clip

This is an excellent visual of why energy efficiency is so important.

Click To Play

11th Hour trailer

(Leo DiCaprio climate change documentary)
We saw this film last weekend on Saturday in San Francisco. Better than Al Gore's but still not the best. Most of the film focuses on convincing you of global warming instead of offering hope. In my experience, people are far more motivated by hope than by doom. When will the environmentalists catch on? It was definitely an interesting crowd - these are the real environmentalists we hear about. I love it. I love them. I love the Bay area.

Some great quotes/thoughts from the film (sorry - i can't remember too many today):
Most people will make good decisions given their level of awareness.

The average child can identify 150 logos yet less than 10 local flowers, plants or trees.

Here is another independent/documentary type film coming soon that I really want to see:
Outsourced. It follows an American over to India as he goes to a calling center. It looks really interesting.

Two weeks

It's been two weeks today. Two weeks from the day we drove out of LA and into the East Bay. Little did we know what adventures lay ahead of us. We were finally able to move into our house this last Sunday after being here for 12 days. 12 days of staying with friends and even strangers as we waited for renovations with this house to be completed. Well now, three months past the deadline, repairs are still being made. We've moved in... although we can't unpack yet b/c of all the work still being done. We are camping out in our house with our boxes, thankful for a place to sleep.

Our time has been full with house calls and visits and long talks with contractors and sub-contractors and owners and associations and random construction workers... as well as with Mosaic. This Sunday was our second official gathering. We are still in the process of finalizing a location and a time. The first Sunday we met at a park in Berkeley... the second Sunday at an arts center near the Cal-Berkeley campus. We haven't yet been able to find a location and a time that line up together... but hopefully soon.

Mosaic Bay (as I want to call it but we haven't formally decided yet) is going amazingly well. Our first Sunday at Live Oaks Park attracted just over 50 people, both from the East Bay and San Francisco. About 30 of those people are from the former church, the Berkeley Mosaic, while the others are new- friends of Mosaic LA attendees or fans of Erwin McManus. We are in the process of defining our non-negotiables or core values, and experimenting with times and locations. Such adaptability wouldn't be possible without email and cell phones. What did we do before this technology existed?

I am doing fine here, as some of you have asked. In fact, it feels completely natural and normal for me to be here doing this. That's the best I can describe it. Though I've only been here 14 days, I feel like being here (though the exact location is subject to frequent change) in the Bay area is just right where we belong. Exactly where we are supposed to be. For example, although I've never met in a park for church before, that felt entirely normal.

The only real challenge I face is my sense of responsibility. I feel compelled to be responsible for everything, every detail. And I can't for the life of me prioritize. I want to move, help lead Mosaic, find a job, financially provide, fix up our house... all at the exact same time. It's made for quite a few headaches. I give headaches to others too when I try to "micromanage" everything. Please pray for me specifically in this.

Well, I better go. We don't have Internet access very often although I'll check it as often as I possibly can. I do miss you, my friends. My concept of home has been on the move for the last four years, if not more. Home, to me, has always been, where my friends are. Wherever you are, that is where I am, at least in part.

Love
nik

Two more days...

Til my birthday! I'm excited. My office just threw me a surprise party… a “good-bye” and “happy birthday” combo. My last day at work is tomorrow. Then I am officially unemployed for an indefinite amount of time. I am looking forward to a break from the routines of my current schedule. I was never one to enjoy routines too much. I think that’s something I should celebrate more instead of try to “grow” out of. Of course, my father and his generation would entirely disagree. To them, it was about doing what needed to be done, not about doing what you wanted. How time has changed. I think we should embrace the change before the next change occurs.

I always thought somebody should write about that more… generational differences in the workplace. It’s something that always gets pushed to the side because its significance is relatively underestimated. It would sure help us ambitious post-grads understand the world of those that currently control all the wealth and offices.

To change the subject, I cut my hair for the first time yesterday. Big mistake. My bangs were getting a little too long so I thought I’d trim them up just a bit. As soon as I got home from work, I grabbed the scissors and walked straight into the bathroom. It only took one second and I knew. Whoops. Too late. They are too dang short. And I didn’t know you weren’t supposed to cut straight across. So please excuse my dorky bangs for a few days as they grow. It sure made us laugh though. And now I know… so next time I try to cut my bangs they at least won’t make a straight line across my forehead.

Bay area update: We’ll be in Berkeley this Sunday and part of Monday. Our last Sunday there until we move August 1st. Everything with the house seems to be working out well. Last week we worked out the lease issues so now our only delay is from the contractor. As soon as he finishes all the repairs (b/c the house has been vacant for 4 years) we’ll feel even better about it. As far as the LA side of things is going: we are having car issues again. It won’t start. It’s in the shop right now getting some repairs and we are hoping it finally gets fixed. At least enough to drive to SF and then sell. We are so ready to get rid of that thing.

Until later,

Photographic Arts

Check out the "Running the Numbers" link...

It's pretty impressive. Chris Jordan uses photography to visualize statistical data. He transforms scientific information that is visually hard to interpret into art.

US

I just like this picture :)

By they way, things are much more hopeful today although not a lot has actually changed. Somebody last night told us, "Don't let all these frustrations get in the way of the hope you have for the future (aka. Berkeley.)" Since then I've been thinking of how we can protect our hope despite what happens or what frustrations we face. And it always helps to evaluate what I am actually putting my hope in... Things working out a certain way? Who I am? Those things can change way too easily. I need something more consistent, for one thing.

It reminded me of the movie Spanglish. Kevin and I loved that movie because we thought it captured something very profound about humanity. I'm still not sure I understand it... but I remembered the part at the end... the very last line (so if you haven't seen it yet, STOP reading, b/c I'm about to unveil it)... this girl is writing her essay to get into Harvard and she says something about her identity being found in the fact that she is her mother's daughter. It sounds so simple... but seriously, if Harvard was your dream and you failed to get in, you might feel, well, horrible. You might feel like you failed. But if your dream was set in the reality that who you are didn't change... that would be complete freedom. To pursue any dream. That's the hope that I need. That's the hope that (I hope to) find in Him.

Frustration in Finishing

AHHHHHH. I am so frustrated and I can't help it. I know that life is trying to frustrate me... and it's working!

First of all, our car. Our one car. We took it to take the smog test so that Kevin can finally change the license plates to CA instead of KS... and it failed!! They said the check engine light wasn't working, so we took it to a mechanic. The mechanic charged us $400 to fix some small part and just as he was done, realized it's an electrical problem with the wiring. Kevin then took it to an electrician who said he wouldn't work on it b/c he's had this problem with Camry's before and replaced every part in the engine and it still wouldn't work. So now we have to take it to Toyota and pay $100 for them to run a diagnostic on our car. Then they might fix it. They might. $500 and two days later for a check engine light thats still not fixed. AHHHHHHHHHH.

Then, my interview that I was scheduled to have this Friday, and that I was SO excited about, emailed me last night and withdrew the position altogether. I had already bought the plane tickets and took an un-paid day for the interview!

Something is seriously working against us. HELP!

It is 56 degrees in Berkeley today. I am FREEZING. I definitely have southern California blood... b/c I am so cold! I brought t-shirts and short sleeved shirts... so now I think we're going to go buy me a jacket. Did I mention it's July?

Our first weekend in Berkeley. I forgot my makeup, along with other personal items that are, um, necessary for my daily life. It's like I'm completely absent -minded about the normal, daily stuff... b/c all our thoughts are going towards strategy and people and work and moving...

So here we are. We flew in last night and leave to head back to LA Sunday evening. Today we will go to Berkeley city Hall and the farmers market. Then we hope to check out this one bedroom house we are really really really praying we get to rent. Then we have meetings and dinner set up with some of the elders here. Crazy and exciting times....

Until later.

Hear it out....

Escape the Suburbs!

Hair Cut

Of course, I won't be wearing it straight b/c it's way too much effort... but it was fun for a few days.

Plus... I am donating my hair to a company that makes hair mats. Weird, I know, but seriously, they help save the environment when there are oil spills! I'll post the website later.

And... to top it all off, I just gave my three week notice to my current job. We think we'll be in Berkeley by August 1st. Only three more weeks of work!