On a more personal note

Since my blog has taken a turn towards focusing on sustainability... I've decided to interrupt my flow with a more personal blog entry. The following post is a glimpse into my mind from earlier this week.

Tuesday, September 11th:
I went for a walk today and I wonder if the adventure it became symbolizes my state of mind. This week has been harder on me than all the rest. I feel as thought I've been in a funk and I can't pinpoint why. Things from the move have finally settled down. I've grown used to the mismatched cabinets and the doors that won't shut all the way. I don't mind the dresser in the living room or the huge piece of cardboard that covers the window. And so now, new challenges rise to the top of this cup of life.

I went for a walk today. We live maybe a mile out from the waters edge and I was desperate for its peace to wash over me. However, as I walked along in the middle of the afternoon, I soon realized I could not get to the edge. A chain link fence, a freeway, a train, and random factories all laid in my way. I'd turn to the right and see a seemingly endless walk along the freeway with no overpass in sight. To the left, some building or factory blocked off any hope of cutting through. But I was determined, so I walked.

One mile, two miles, three miles, four... still no pathway to the waters edge. When my pace began to lag as my legs grew weary, I took the way I knew would lead me home - away from the water. It teases me so close, yet so far away.

"So I find myself at the brink" just kidding - that was a quote I keep hearing in my head from Leonardo DiCaprio. So I find myself in a new dilemma. Mosaic is charging ahead with more help soon on the way. As for me, well, what lies ahead remains unclear. No job openings yet... although I've found plenty for childcare and tutors. If only I was passionate about other people's kids!

So close but so far away. Something keeps redirecting my path. Something is blocking the way, as if to say, "It's just not time yet".

I sit on the front porch as the sun sets, trying to create more job options for myself, but nothing new comes to mind, at least for now. So I will wait, and see what tomorrow holds. I guess I better enjoy my view of the freeway while it lasts.