Home for the holidays

Over the holidays, Kevin and I went to Kansas City to visit our families and friends. One morning, everybody in the house was gone and I had a few hours to myself. I sat in a chair, looking out the window, watching the snow fall. It was beautiful.

I can see Him so clearly out there. In the peace – the way the snow falls gently to the ground. In the tree branches, I can see Him move. His voice travels with the wind and blows against the house. I take a deep breath and let the natural beauty soak into my soul. I could sit there forever.

The banging of doors and the sound of voices breaks the silence and I have to turn away from the window to greet the family. I look over my shoulder, towards the snow, as if to say “goodbye” - as I know the busyness of family and friends will soon capture my attention and I’ll quickly forget the snow.

Several hours later I am sitting on the bed, the house is silent. I stare outside the window, but into darkness. I long for the peace and beauty of this morning… but all I can see is my reflection in the glass. I sigh and reassure myself that tomorrow the snow will still be there – He will still be there.

I lay on my bed and ask myself, “If God is so easy to access by looking out the window, if God can be found in the simple beauty of nature, where does Jesus fit in? Why does Jesus say he is ‘the way, the truth, and the life’ if I can see God clearly just by looking outside?”

The simplicity of the answer shocked me as I heard, “Because it doesn’t last.”

The peace, the silence, the beauty – it disappears as you turn away from the window. Try as I might, I can’t keep it within me. No matter how long I sit and stare and try to memorize the snow – its beauty and peace and stillness escape my mind’s attempts to define and hold it.

What about all those moments in life when you don’t have access to a window?

Besides, since when did staring out the window help me love my husband? Or empower me to forgive? When I’m staring out the window – the world is all about me. I’ve heard the thoughts in my head – I’ll tell Him, “It’s just you and me now.” I don’t have to love a single person. The beauty, the stillness, the peace, is unchanged by the condition of my heart.

If anything, Jesus turned my head that night. Stop looking for Me outside, and look inside. Is peace, stillness and beauty there? Look for Me here.