Movie Support

Last weekend a small group of us went to see the movie The Golden Compass. We haven't heard too much about it here in the SF area - except in reference to it's graphics or sci-fi/fantasy genre (which many, many SF people are seriously into). However, when I called a few friends back in Kansas, they mentioned a lot of controversy around the film - and some even questioned my "support" of a film such as this. To be clear, I am not bothered at all by these questions. I find skepticism and questioning to be healthy and even enjoyable. So I respond in this post not out of a need to defend myself - but out of a playful desire to engage in even more meaningful dialogue.

I liked the movie. In fact, the themes it introduced I find extremely important and worth fighting for. Themes such as freedom - the right to think and live. Themes such as souls - what shapes them, when are they shaped, what do they look like? Themes such as good and evil - is it the means or the ends that defines which side you are on?

I am proud to "support" our freedom to think and even to disagree. The minute we stop "supporting" those who disagree with us is the moment we kill the very thing we are trying to protect - life.

I support humanity. I support freedom. I support thinking. And if it leads to conclusions I don't like - I'll be patient - and hear the other human being out. Will you?

Ouch

My office has lunchtime yoga twice a week on Mondays and Fridays. Today was my first attempt to join a few fellow co-workers. All I can say is "ouch". One thing I love about yoga is that it is a completely different experience every time you do it. It is as varied as the instructors that teach it. Fifty plus (aged) women and men were doing stretches I could barely get into to. I am just glad I can still walk.

Best Friend

Throughout high school and college, I refused to use the words, "best friend." I refused to choose one person, among so many, to hold this place. It felt confining, limiting, and suffocating - to have to label one person this way when my life was surrounded by so many amazing, selfless, loving people. Even at my wedding, there was no single "maid of honor". In fact, the program listed every single woman as a Maid of Honor. My sisters, my roommates... I lived in a world filled with best friends.

The beauty of it came from its flexibility - like ocean waves at the beach - different people rolled in and out at different times. A once distant friend would became a close ally; but as time changes, they might fade or roll back for awhile.

Refusing to use a label gave us all a sort of freedom. Freedom to withdraw and return. Freedom to change. Freedom to grow in different ways - sometimes to grow apart and sometimes to grow incredibly close.

And then we moved to Los Angeles… and I found myself in a relational desolate place. I went in – idealistic and hopeful. I came out – bruised and skeptical.

This post isn’t going to be a sad recap of the hardships I faced… or an opportunity to feel sorry for myself – as tempted as I might be. Instead it’s about finding hope and friends in the places I least expected, or the places I previously didn’t consider. Friendships in Los Angeles took tremendous determination and initiation. Sometimes these efforts produced beautiful friendships but sometimes they ended in heartbreak and emptiness.

There is one friendship, however, that stands above them all. There were times I was mean and fiercely independent. There were times I was at peace and able to laugh. Through them all he never gave up on me. Though I may have shifted like the tide of the sea, his friendship and loyalty never faltered. He is consistent and calm – though we never could have imagined the hardships we faced.

He won’t tell me what to do – though sometimes I try to get him to tell me all the answers. He jokes when I am trying to be serious. He waits outside the bedroom door when I won’t let him in. He makes time to do house chores even when we are both busy.
But most importantly, he wouldn’t let me push him away, try as I might.

And so a new type of freedom emerges behind the label of “best friend”. A freedom I had not known before. A friend that loves at all times. A friend that loves in the midst of the uncertainty and the unknown. A friend that is willing to forgive again and again when I let him down.

If I hadn’t faced the relational desolate Los Angeles – I might not have been able to cherish his friendship as deep. And although I sometimes wonder if he’s the ONLY friend I have… He is the one that matters most. He is my home. He is my best friend.

Blessed Unrest

"Books that influence us often contain ideas we already recognize due to intellectual preparation or predilection; rather than casting thunderbolts from the blue, they may unlock sensibilities from within."
Paul Hawken, Blessed Unrest, pg. 74

I picked up the book tonight to begin reading from the place where I last stopped - about 1/3rd of the way in - and decided to start from the beginning again. I read it faster this time and managed to pass by the last words I recognized to the end of the chapter. It's revolutionary. I believe I'll read it many more times.

This book is about the "unnamed movement". I can't possibly explain in one blog post what this entails... but I can barely conceal my excitement - as I realize with each word that I read that I am very involved in the unnamed - but have been awkwardly unable to find words to explain it... even now. The "sensibilities from within" are rising up in my soul faster than I have time to capture them with words. I could dedicate a million blogs to it... and still find myself at a loss of words.

Some quotes from the end of the last section I read:
(In a chapter discussing Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King, Gandhi, Thoreau and Emerson)

"We face such forks a million times a day, even in the space of a breath. Life is permeated with possibility at every instant. What distinguishes one life from another is intention, the one thing we can control."

"Individuals start where they stand and... make the road by walking."

"For him (Thoreau) there were no inconsequential acts, only consequential inaction."

The Six Sins of Greenwashing

"Green-wash (green'wash', -wôsh') – verb: the act of misleading consumers regarding the environmental practices of a company or the environmental benefits of a product or service."
From TerraChoice - environmental marketing group

"A study of 1,018 "green" products from big-box stores has found that all but one were marketed with false or misleading eco-claims. Researchers from TerraChoice Environmental Marketing called out products for committing the "Six Sins of Greenwashing": a hidden tradeoff ( e.g., toxin-loaded electronics touting their energy efficiency); no certifiable verification of green claims; flat-out lying about certification; vagueness (e.g., products claiming "all natural" status, which could include hazardous substances that occur naturally); irrelevance ( e.g., products claiming to be CFC-free even though CFCs have long been banned); or a lesser-of-two-evils situation (e.g., organic cigarettes). Cascade paper towels were the big -- and only -- winner, with claims of being chlorine-free, having recycled content, and having legitimate logos checking out as accurate."

See original article HERE.

Our house

As seen on Thanksgiving Day 2007. For more photos from that day, click HERE.

Free Hugs Campaign

happy thanksgiving

Earthquake

Last night, the eve of Halloween, we experienced our first earthquake. A magnitude 5.6 that lasted for 15 seconds! It felt as though our house was sitting on top of our washing machine. By the time I realized what was going on... it was too late to react. We sat on the floor of our living room and watched everything shake. Not hard enough to break anything or move it too far. Closer to the epicenter, some stores had to close to pick up the things that fell off the shelves. I have heard of at least one other store that had windows broken. Aside from that, nothing major. I'm proud to say I've survived an earthquake!

Mosaic Bay experiments with music

All music is written and produced by the artist(s) shown.

Blog Action Day

Today is blog action day. A day were thousands... potentially millions... of bloggers unite together to post about issues that matter. To be fair, I should say "the issue that matters"... that's right - the environment. And it also happens to be the one day my thoughts are nowhere near the environment and sustainability. Dang it.

Instead, I'm dreaming of writing a book... I wrote the disclaimer and introduction today. Maybe tonight I'll work on chapter one??

Spiders, lighting, the color blue... these are the thoughts of the day.

How do you know?

When your mind starts racing and you can actually feel your heart beat... how do you know if it's just childlike excitement or your soul and your mind converging? How do you know if it's just emotion and anxiety... or God pressing your spirit? How do you know if it's rebellion and stubbornness that pulls you forward instead of humility and grace? How do you discern? From where in the infinite universe are these thoughts coming from? Why do I love to ponder them... yet find myself unable to express them? This tightness in my chest... is it something burning within me that needs to get out... or just my insecurities causing anxiety? I don't know what to do with them all... these thoughts. Sometimes I feel as though we are on the brink of greatness... as though we are just on the verge of a discovery that has the potential to affect all humanity... and sometimes I wonder if I am just worried... or restless... or anxious...

How do you know?

Master of the Obvious

"That is why the best teachers are masters of the obvious. They see the same things we do, but they are aware of so much more. And when they point it out, it changes the way we see everything." Rob Bell: Velvet Elvis

My new goal in life: to be a master of the obvious. My husband recently told me I was good at "identification." Identifying things... calling things out as they are... able to discern the heart or truth behind things... able to see and identify. I drive him crazy with this: as I am easily able to identify problems. This odd strength... that at one time made me wonder if I was just more "negative" than others... now makes so much more sense. Beyond that, it is no longer limited to just problems. I think I am learning to see more and more. LA took me so far out of my comfort zone... but I had to be pulled away from all that I knew in hopes that I'd get to know so much more.

And now we find ourselves in the Bay. I am working temporarily for an architecture firm in San Francisco... Brereton Architects while considering an offer from Ratcliff. And... Mosaic as usual. I've felt so overwhelmed at times. And distracted. I can't wait to get this career stuff off my mind... but I am starting to realize that it will never go away. I think I will always be job searching, always wondering, always reconsidering.

Today I met with the Young Life director of the East Bay and we talked a lot about youth. My curiosity started to grow and my thoughts turned to wondering if I could get a masters in economics and teach at the high school. I could be the soccer coach as well :)

Economics and high school? What will I think of next?

On a more personal note

Since my blog has taken a turn towards focusing on sustainability... I've decided to interrupt my flow with a more personal blog entry. The following post is a glimpse into my mind from earlier this week.

Tuesday, September 11th:
I went for a walk today and I wonder if the adventure it became symbolizes my state of mind. This week has been harder on me than all the rest. I feel as thought I've been in a funk and I can't pinpoint why. Things from the move have finally settled down. I've grown used to the mismatched cabinets and the doors that won't shut all the way. I don't mind the dresser in the living room or the huge piece of cardboard that covers the window. And so now, new challenges rise to the top of this cup of life.

I went for a walk today. We live maybe a mile out from the waters edge and I was desperate for its peace to wash over me. However, as I walked along in the middle of the afternoon, I soon realized I could not get to the edge. A chain link fence, a freeway, a train, and random factories all laid in my way. I'd turn to the right and see a seemingly endless walk along the freeway with no overpass in sight. To the left, some building or factory blocked off any hope of cutting through. But I was determined, so I walked.

One mile, two miles, three miles, four... still no pathway to the waters edge. When my pace began to lag as my legs grew weary, I took the way I knew would lead me home - away from the water. It teases me so close, yet so far away.

"So I find myself at the brink" just kidding - that was a quote I keep hearing in my head from Leonardo DiCaprio. So I find myself in a new dilemma. Mosaic is charging ahead with more help soon on the way. As for me, well, what lies ahead remains unclear. No job openings yet... although I've found plenty for childcare and tutors. If only I was passionate about other people's kids!

So close but so far away. Something keeps redirecting my path. Something is blocking the way, as if to say, "It's just not time yet".

I sit on the front porch as the sun sets, trying to create more job options for myself, but nothing new comes to mind, at least for now. So I will wait, and see what tomorrow holds. I guess I better enjoy my view of the freeway while it lasts.

Ray Anderson on Sustainability

I had the privaledge of hearing Ray speak while I we were living in Los Angeles. I love his perspective on things... b/c his focus is not on global warming, but on giving life. This ten minute video is very inspiring. It talks about the power of business and what impact it makes on life. Well worth watching if you are interested in the movement of sustainability at all!

The Yes Men... Is this really legal?

Since things are starting to "settle down" a little more... I've spent more time working on finding a new job. I've sent out a few resumes and portfolios, but so far, no openings or interest shown yet. I am looking for work in the East Bay so that I don't have to commute. I am not sure what I will find. This is taking longer than I expected but I guess I'm not too upset about the time off (yet). We'll see how long we can financially handle this "break". I've actually been working full time since the moment we got here... just for free. :) For Mosaic.

This weekend we have our first "branding" event (aka. getting our name out so people become familiar with Mosaic). We will have a booth set up at something called Solano Stroll. Solano is a popular street less than a block from our house. It has numerous restaurants and shops along it. Solano Stroll happens once a year and attracts up to a quarter of a million people. Can you believe that? It sounds unreal to me, so we'll see what happens. Anyways, we are setting up a booth and handing out free $5 BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) cards with the Mosaic logo and website on them. We just want the community to know we exist and that we care by giving them a free gift (no strings or expectations attached.) The theme for Solano Stroll is "Going Green - It's Easy" so along with our BART gift, I've made a handout of my top ten green tips. I hope it is well received and that if anything, people know we are here, that we care about humanity, and them. I'll let you know how it goes.

On another note, I was reading the Corporate Watchdog Radio blog as I was job searching today and came across a post about The Yes Men. They are men who impersonate corporations at conferences, TV shows, interviews, etc. in order to embarrass corporations. So basically they "pretend" to be representatives of large companies like McDonald's or Exxon Mobile and go to conferences and tell people outrageous things to make the companies look bad. They made a movie about it in 2003, called The Yes Men. I can't believe how successful they've been. Crazy!

Chocolate and slave trade?

Just found this blog, Ethur, through Relevant magazine. Pretty sweet blog... one of the Ehur projects is the Junky Car Club... which Kevin and I could totally belong to right now! It's a car club devoted to living with less so that we can give more. Our membership would be unintentional due to our changing circumstances... so we might as well make it official and for a good cause. The blog also had a post about slavery and chocolate... some documentary that explains the issue. Not too good for any Nestle product!

Tony Chocolonely

This guy prosecuted himself for supporting slave trade through his consumer choices. I can't believe it. See the trailer to hear what the Supreme Court thought.

CSA: Community Supported Agriculture

Today we joined Full Belly Farm's CSA! On Friday's we will get a box of vegetables and fruits from a farm outside of the city.

A note from their website: www.fullbellyfarm.com
By belonging to the CSA, members support organic farming practices that are healthful for people and the environment. They also have the opportunity to eat the freshest, most nutritional produce available.

I also can't garden yet. Our yard is a massive mess that I have yet to challenge. I've been going for walks around our neighborhood checking out people's plants and gardens, trying to get an idea of where to start and what grows well here. Someday we'll have some sort of garden/plants.
Did I mention CSA's are a great way to cut down on trips to the grocery store?

Pictures of our house are coming soon!

Another clip

This is an excellent visual of why energy efficiency is so important.

Click To Play

11th Hour trailer

(Leo DiCaprio climate change documentary)
We saw this film last weekend on Saturday in San Francisco. Better than Al Gore's but still not the best. Most of the film focuses on convincing you of global warming instead of offering hope. In my experience, people are far more motivated by hope than by doom. When will the environmentalists catch on? It was definitely an interesting crowd - these are the real environmentalists we hear about. I love it. I love them. I love the Bay area.

Some great quotes/thoughts from the film (sorry - i can't remember too many today):
Most people will make good decisions given their level of awareness.

The average child can identify 150 logos yet less than 10 local flowers, plants or trees.

Here is another independent/documentary type film coming soon that I really want to see:
Outsourced. It follows an American over to India as he goes to a calling center. It looks really interesting.

Two weeks

It's been two weeks today. Two weeks from the day we drove out of LA and into the East Bay. Little did we know what adventures lay ahead of us. We were finally able to move into our house this last Sunday after being here for 12 days. 12 days of staying with friends and even strangers as we waited for renovations with this house to be completed. Well now, three months past the deadline, repairs are still being made. We've moved in... although we can't unpack yet b/c of all the work still being done. We are camping out in our house with our boxes, thankful for a place to sleep.

Our time has been full with house calls and visits and long talks with contractors and sub-contractors and owners and associations and random construction workers... as well as with Mosaic. This Sunday was our second official gathering. We are still in the process of finalizing a location and a time. The first Sunday we met at a park in Berkeley... the second Sunday at an arts center near the Cal-Berkeley campus. We haven't yet been able to find a location and a time that line up together... but hopefully soon.

Mosaic Bay (as I want to call it but we haven't formally decided yet) is going amazingly well. Our first Sunday at Live Oaks Park attracted just over 50 people, both from the East Bay and San Francisco. About 30 of those people are from the former church, the Berkeley Mosaic, while the others are new- friends of Mosaic LA attendees or fans of Erwin McManus. We are in the process of defining our non-negotiables or core values, and experimenting with times and locations. Such adaptability wouldn't be possible without email and cell phones. What did we do before this technology existed?

I am doing fine here, as some of you have asked. In fact, it feels completely natural and normal for me to be here doing this. That's the best I can describe it. Though I've only been here 14 days, I feel like being here (though the exact location is subject to frequent change) in the Bay area is just right where we belong. Exactly where we are supposed to be. For example, although I've never met in a park for church before, that felt entirely normal.

The only real challenge I face is my sense of responsibility. I feel compelled to be responsible for everything, every detail. And I can't for the life of me prioritize. I want to move, help lead Mosaic, find a job, financially provide, fix up our house... all at the exact same time. It's made for quite a few headaches. I give headaches to others too when I try to "micromanage" everything. Please pray for me specifically in this.

Well, I better go. We don't have Internet access very often although I'll check it as often as I possibly can. I do miss you, my friends. My concept of home has been on the move for the last four years, if not more. Home, to me, has always been, where my friends are. Wherever you are, that is where I am, at least in part.

Love
nik