The "Sick" and the "Not-Sick"

I had to submit a rough draft of my thesis abstract last week. This is what I have for now:

Paul Cowen, journalist and author, described his 1987 encounter with leukemia as, “being exiled to the land of the sick.” He had, as we all do, unconsciously drawn a line between the sick and the not-sick. All of us, if we are fortunate enough to escape an accidental death, will have to face a chronic illness such as heart disease, cancer, diabetes or Alzheimer’s. All of us, whether we accept or deny it, will have to cross the threshold between the sick and non-sick as Cowen once did.

For my thesis, I will design conceptual objects and experiences that expose the cultural tension between the “sick” and “not-sick”. Inspired by the Critical Design practiced by Dunne and Raby, I will design prototypes that challenge the social and psychological behavior around these issues. I believe that design can bring complex social issues, such as cultural attitudes towards pain and sickness, to our attention. I believe that designers can be facilitators of change by boldly exploring questions that are typically ignored or overlooked by the market place.

My final project will include a series of prototype objects as well as the interviews and observations of those who volunteer to seriously engage with them. The ultimate purpose of this project is to spark empathy and compassion in the not-sick, or rather the “not yet sick”.

Revised Pain Scales

I created revised Wong Baker pain scales with the results from the "Art of Suffering" survey. The original pain scale is incredibly limiting and short sighted. I've tried to expand the pain scale to consider a wider range of possibilities in hopes of revealing the many different ways pain is interpreted and experienced. What do you think? Which one is your favorite? (I made six versions.)

The original Wong Baker pain scale:



The Attitude Pain Scale:


The Comparative Pain Scale:


The Distraction Pain Scale:


The Expression Control Pain Scale:


The Posture Pain Scale:


The Stimuli Pain Scale:

The Art of Suffering - Survey Results

Here are the results from the Art of Suffering survey I created this week.

Thank you to all who generously participated with time and thoughtfulness!

Recall a time in which you were suffering physical pain. What words or expressions describe the experience?

What gestures or postures describe the experience?

How do you manage your pain?

What myths/ideas help you understand the role of pain in life?

Whose behavior do you admire or seek to imitate when suffering with pain?

All visuals were created using Wordle. Of the 30 people that participated in the survey, most were between the ages of 20-30 and are not currently experiencing a chronic pain illness.

One Week Thesis

Had to pretend our entire thesis was due in one week's time so I threw together a fun and slightly crazy called "A Brief History of the Fear Pheromone."

Please comment - I won't take it personal. It was an exercise - I tried designing a sci-fi future in 2033.

What do you think? How does this short video (1.5 minutes long) make you feel?

What I am thinking about these days

It is thesis year. I have till May 2011 to come up with a thesis project that includes several designed "things" and written work. Two weeks in and I've hit the ground running. It helps that I took all summer to ponder, muse and entertain odd thoughts.

So here's what I've been thinking.

Critical Design. Part art object, part social science, part design.

Check out this short youTube video, Critique on Critical Design, to learn more about what it is. It's unusual, new, provoking... awkward. But awesome :)

Jesus didn't save me...

I'll dare to say it...

Lately I've been considering the thought,

"If Jesus died for my sins, He failed, because I still sin. He didn't save me from my sins at all."

Because guess what? I still sin! "Sin" meaning causing others pain, doing things I don't want to do like getting mad or sad, thinking only of myself, etc. It is true that Jesus motivates and inspires me to love others... and that in the midst of "sin" He renews my perspective and changes my focus.

But I still sin.

For a long time, I didn't know how to accept this. If I love Jesus and do this whole Christian thing, why do I still sin? Why do others, whom I respect, who've spent countless hours praying and reading the Bible, still hurt me? It just doesn't make sense. And quite honestly, it sounds like a lot of effort for little result.

Or I've simply missed the point. And the classic Christian saying, "Jesus saved me from my sins," leaves out an awful lot of important information.

I can already hear my mother saying, "But Jesus saves us from the consequences of our sin!" Okay I can see that, sort of... or not, because I still have to face the consequences when I hurt a friend or am self-absorbed, etc. But I know she is referring to the illusive "Hell" - the dark, scary place that little is actually known about.

In fact, I did a little research on it. "Hell" turns out to be quite a confusing idea. Jesus Himself referenced several different types of hell. It's as though the Bible couldn't make up its mind. If you would like more information about this study - please reference Bruxy Cavey and the podcast "Hell" recorded 11/23/08 as part of the Beyond the Grave series.

I am not a Christian because I am afraid of hell. That just sounds, well, sad - and means that all Christian faith is really motivated by fear. "Become a Christian, or else... you'll go to hell!" I know that's why I became one when I was four years old. I came into my parents room crying, "Please don't let me go to hell!"

Is that really the reason we believe?

I sure hope not.

So if I am not a Christian to avoid sin or to escape hell, then why am I one?

To live free now.

Not free from sin (or the act of sinning)....

But free from guilt and condemnation. In fact, with Jesus, I can "sin" better. I can hurt your feelings, realize I did it, then do something about it. I realize that people are able to do this frequently without God's help... to some extent. But I've seen inside my soul and know its potential to do evil, and I know how weak willed I can be to do what I know is right. Exhibit A would be ice cream. I just know I shouldn't eat more of it... but oh I want it so bad.... God strengthens me, compels me, to embrace courage when I just couldn't find it within myself. And saves me from this sickening guilt I often feel when "my dark side" wins.

I am free from trying to do everything on my own. From trying to be "good" and do good on my own effort. It's exhausting, trying to be perfect. With Jesus, I can let go of that unrealistic expectation and embrace reality. I am imperfect and this is a beautiful thing. He is God and I am not. If only I would quit trying to be a god...

I am free to heal. He heals me when people just can't. When nobody will apologize. When I just can't find what I am looking for in anything I do - no matter how hard I work, how much I play. I move from constantly striving... to peace. I base my identity in how He sees me - which frees me from anchoring it to any of the thousand unstable options available in our world. Which oddly, frees me to adjust quicker and changes my perspective.

He frees me. Now. From too many things to list in a blog (you would get bored). So I am trying to think of a better, shorter way to sum it all up, because when people ask, "Why are you a Christian?" I just can't say, "Because Jesus died for my sins and saved me from hell." It just simply won't do.

Lighted dancers

Just thought this was interesting....

"The dancers' suits were outlined in multiple colors of EL, with an intentionally "loose" aesthetic that made them appear to be live dancing versions of a sketch."

EL wire: thin electroluminescent wire that looks like neon when hooked to a power source.

Love your neighbors...

"If I define my neighbor as the one I must go out to look for, on the highways and byways, in the factories and slums, on the farms and in the mines - then my world changes. This is what is happening with the 'option for the poor,' for in the gospel it is the poor person who is the neighbor par excellence...

But the poor person does not exist as an inescapable fact of destiny. His or her existence is not politically neutral, and is not ethically innocent. The poor are a by-product of the system in which we live and for which we are responsible. They are marginalized by our social and cultural world. They are oppressed, exploited proletariat, robbed of the fruit of their labor and despoiled of their humanity. Hence the poverty of the poor is not a call to generous relief action, but a demand that we go and build a different social order."

Gustavo Gutierrez, The Power of the Poor in History

Gustavo Gutiérrez Merino, O.P., (born 8 June 1928 in Lima) is a Peruvian theologian and Dominican priest regarded as the founder of Liberation Theology. He sees that among the poor there is an “absence of recognition of their own human dignity and of their condition as daughters and sons of God”.

Another take on taxes.

Taxes are a way of buying into our government,

As a stakeholder buys shares into a corporation.

When you invest your resources,

You are more likely to invest your interest -

You care more because it involves your contribution,

And you care about your money

(Sometimes more than anything else).

A government that receives no money from its people,

Finds money elsewhere.

(From oil, for example.)

And it no longer needs to be as concerned about its people.

This is the story of a Middle East country,

As I hear it from my Middle Eastern friends.

Do we want our government to be like a business -

Whose primary concern is profit,

Or do we want a government who cares about its people -

Their rights, voices, and needs?

Pay taxes. Your government needs you and you need it.

Note: The author acknowledges that governments are inherently corrupt, however she maintains a naive belief that all human systems are redeemable. Furthermore, she has not found another system with less faults and is not willing to give up on the progress made so far - remembering those who work tirelessly for freedom in the past and in the present.

modern dance

Occasionally I'll force myself to attend a modern dance performance. I'll find out about one either through a friend or an advertisement and I'll think "I should go because as a designer, this is an art form I should care more about." Or more honestly, "I should go because I want to be perceived as someone who cares about all art forms." And so I found myself, once again, sitting in a darkened theater, waiting for a performance to begin last Friday. The thick, traditionally red curtains drew back and twenty something dancers in pastel leotards began to rhythmically step onto the stage. I recognized one dancer, our friend, Chelsea - the one who had invited us to this particular performance - though the dancers are hard to identify due to their similarities in form, hair style, and makeup.

I quickly realized that this was not the normally boring modern dance performance. First of all, the movements struck me as odd, particularly in their abruptness. Graceful, precise movements were mixed with quick sharp energy - a sudden nod of the head or shrug of the shoulders, for example. Some movements were filled with resistance, as though they were fighting the temptation to transform into an R&B step expected from those such as Lady Gaga.

Secondly, the dancers touched each other, which I also found odd. Their movements were carefully choreographed to overlap - clasping hands, bending and twisting over one another. In other performances, I've noticed a sense of isolation between the dancers - though they may be together on the stage, they individually complete similar moves as one might expect from a field of robots. These dancers were dependent on each other - each part had to work perfectly together to complete the whole - but beyond that, they changed each other's movements and paths. I know the entire performance is planned, yet it almost seemed as though they got to choose what to do and had to change their choices based on what the others did.

Thirdly, I was able to notice themes of meaning with each set. Normally in modern dance, I pretend that I understand a deeper meaning - as though some movements represent sadness while others joy. This time I didn't have to pretend or imagine - they communicated their message clearly with the music tempo, type, title, and selected movements. I felt as though I understood - which in my previous modern dance experience is rare.

A breath of fresh air full of meaning and depth, this modern dance performance was surprising and inspiring. Either this dance company is brilliant or I am finally "old" enough or "cultured" enough to get it. I'll conclude that San Francisco's Lines Ballet is truly brilliant.

something politically positive...

Michelle Obama talks about her nationwide campaign to fight childhood obesity called "Let's Move."

Political party preferences aside, I think childhood obesity is a serious concern and am thankful for the media/conversations/awareness this campaign has launched. I look forward to hearing how they intend to achieve these goals - especially from a "top down" approach.

Berkeley has some pretty creative solutions that I am really proud of... such as Alice Waters' Elementary School Edible Garden Project and the Berkeley Ecology Center's plans to help local farmers markets accept food stamps.

What do you think?

(childhood obesity... not if you like Michelle or not :)

Capp Street: Albany Waterfront

Twice in the last month I've managed to put Kevin into a panic concerning my safety. I love to walk and explore and sometimes I'll leave for a walk and wont return for several hours. This month, I've spent hours walking around one place - the Albany Waterfront. I want to "figure it out" - see who is there, what is there, and why. It is an unusual space; at times seeming purposely composed and at other times as though the whole park was created on accident. It is full of tension and opposing forces. I am drawn to the tension - frequently musing about how to resolve its strangeness.

This week, I took my camera along and tried to capture some of these relationships by photo. But first, I'd like to give you a better idea of where the waterfront is located. The first map shows the SF Bay area...

This second map shows the waterfront park up close - the dots and numbers correspond to where I took the photos.

This first photograph captures the tension between Beauty/Water/Solitude and Traffic/Busy/Noise. There is a sandy beach, waves gently crashing into the rocks with industrial fragments/waste and a freeway lingering in the horizon. The noise is inescapable.

The next two photos symbolize growth versus decay. Both are happening at once. Bricks poke up out of the ground as you walk... Concrete chunks sit in the water... yet both are surrounded by green, growth and vitality.

I was very surprised (though in retrospect I should have not been) to see people secretly living on the waterfront. Some of the side trails led past several tents. People claim some of the land as their own and carve out their unique space. I didn't take many photos because I felt intrusive. Thankfully it was early in the morning and nobody really seemed to be awake.

Visitors, on the other hand, were primarily dog walkers/joggers. They didn't venture too far out onto the peninsula - perhaps they had previously wandered too far as I had.

A large part of the waterfront is fenced off for restoration projects. One of the photos below shows signs put up along the beginning of the fence. A wood fence is only used near the entrance - it soon turns into the standard metal wire/chain link.

This photo shows two paths - I noticed this as I was walking out, back to my own neighborhood. The path to the left, unpaved, belongs to the restoration while the path to the right, manicured and mowed, belongs to the neighboring racetrack. I find it ironic that there are two paths right next to each other. Did the racetrack decide to just ignore the existing path in an attempt to pretend it didn't exist?

As I wandered further out I found larger piles of waste, including bundles of twisted metal, molding stretches of carpet, and discarded insulation. At the tip of the peninsula I found sculptures (made by visitors or residents?). This perfectly represented the tension between sculpture and junk. To one it is merely a medium for creative expression, to another it symbolizes the end of an idea.

I have seen random pamphlets around Albany inviting proposals to develop this land. I wonder what will come of it... will it become more "civilized" as it's neighbor, the Berkeley Marina, or will it maintain it's junk/raw character?

Designers to create change

Cameron Sinclair, of the Open Architecture Network, says, "We believe that where resources and expertise are scarce, innovative, sustainable and collaborative design can make a difference." And he isn't the only one who believes this - as there is a growing grassroots movement of designers who are embracing the opportunity to create change in the world. Paul Hawkin, in his book, Blessed Unrest, expounds on this movement. It is a movement without centralized leadership, a movement of nonprofits, a movement of compassion and action. (See video below - approximately 5 minutes long.)

It is very inspiring and motivating to learn about this movement of people. Cameron Sinclair said they started this type of work because nobody told them they couldn't. They wanted to use design and architecture to create change, rather than to create "jewels" they could admire for themselves.

To me, as a design student, this seems rather logical and obvious. Perhaps it is due to the acceptance and application of "design thinking" or perhaps it is simply a matter of timing - I was brought into school after this movement had began so I don't fully understand the implications of the contrast with before.

"Design thinking" is a term that CCA often uses that I believe represents the type of thinking mentioned above. Design thinking addresses complexity, systems, context, consequences... rather than designing isolated and individual items to make a profit. Perhaps there is a subtle but large change in motivation taking place that leads to a different destination or end goal - one that strives to maximize the amount of positive change rather than acquire the largest profit (regardless of positive or negative change created in society/culture.) If so, it is an exciting time to be a part of the design world, as roles adapt and expand with ideas.

On a more personal note, my husband is the president of a non-profit organization, called Mosaic, in Berkeley with a similar mission. The organization's motto "Mosaic is a movement of dreamers, poets and activists passionate about the future. Our aim is to bring dignity to humanity’s spiritual journey and to empower people to create a better world." (From the website: www.mosaicbay.org) Mosaic strives to connect people and ideas to action through leadership development, self-awareness, volunteer opportunities, creativity workshops, and spiritual revival.

Last summer, my husband, Kevin, organized a team of architects, engineers, and humanitarians to go to Southern Sudan to build a school. The project has actually been posted on the Open Architecture Network under the name Jalle Primary School and on the partner organization website: rebuildsudan.org. Mosaic partnered with Rebuild Sudan and EMI (a volunteer engineering organization) to design the school last May. After their return, we've focused on hosting fundraisers and sharing the stories of the Sudanese people. We hope to plan another trip during the summer of 2010 to begin construction and address other issues such as water access, infrastructure, etc. I did not go on the first trip, as the timing interfered with another project I was working on with an architecture firm, however, I look forward to learning more about how design can create change, whether it is local or global, and how business strategy can support and encourage these goals.

Moo - politics and cows

(I saw this while doing some research on politics for one of my classes this semester - what do you think? I like it.)

POLITICAL SCIENCE & ECONOMICS FOR DUMMIES

DEMOCRAT

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful.

REPUBLICAN

You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative and tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows. Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then it pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to analysts stating that you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up. Life is good.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. Yet you don’t know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them, because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Design is not just decorative...

One of my designs is in the process of being built! Completion date has been moved to February. I am SO EXCITED. See some photos below.






Thanksgiving evening we gathered around our living room to watch a film – While You Were Sleeping. Despite its charming and romantic plot, it was easy to discern the movie’s age due to the fashion and humor changes during the last 15 years. In contrast, its hospital interiors accurately reflected what I would expect to see today. In other words, changes in fashion, language and humor were easily identifiable though the architecture and interiors did not seem to change at all. As a design student, I was taught to believe that the built environment acted as a cultural catalyst for change and critical thought. Unfortunately, it no longer seems to hold this position, instead it trails dreadfully behind art, technology, and design – especially in healthcare design.

Creativity is hidden behind a sturdy wall of excuses in healthcare design. This wall is several feet thick – built by the value engineers, the financers, the doctors and nurses, hospital CEOs and administrative staff, lawyers, technicians and even architects. Finding a way to introduce innovation in healthcare design is like looking for a tiny crack in a dam. It is not surprising that most designers settle for the “usual” due to frustration and impatience.

I searched and researched for several weeks – looking for a tiny crack in the wall. I composed presentation boards showcasing “cutting edge” European designs and the most updated scientific research supporting color and technology alternatives… but every time they would find an excuse, a reason, something, anything, to avoid pursuing solutions outside of the familiar white washed walls, long, straight corridors, and VCT rigid squares.

After months of research and meetings, an administrative officer asked about using energy efficient lighting and updating the current standardized fixtures. Without my input, the board of directors, planners, lawyers, etc. quickly agreed to update the standard – revealing the perfect crack. Through innovative lighting fixtures, I could design in creative and unexpected ways. I suggested using color changing LED light fixtures as decorative and functional pieces in hallways, waiting rooms, and lobbies. Other fixtures could be used to cast unusual and artistic shadows on walls – spaces typically covered with framed paintings. These fixtures were able to escape the regular list of excuses and hesitations because they were necessary – essential for both function and design.

The Safe Hug

For a graduate writing class, a classmate and I created a "how to" for hugs. We both did a lot of research on hugs - including how people greet each other in different cultures and how NOT to hug. The goal of the assignment was to study process writing - instruction manuals, etc. These are often ignored or overlooked by designers (hence the reason most people don't even bother to read them). The project required the creation of a instruction guide - either using digital or print media. We could study an actual object or a human interaction/experience. We choose the "hug" due to its influence and relevance in our lives. For example, those who are touched or hugged daily are proven to have lower blood pressure...

Hope you enjoy the video - it was a fun project for us.

Is it worth it?

Last week, in my Nonfiction Writing class, we watched the film Manufactured Landscapes. Since then, it's been on my mind constantly. Over the last few years, the issues raised in the film have transformed my perspective on economics, world trade, personal as well as national finances, technology and capitalism, etc. It is hard to find an aspect of life unaffected by this issue.

You can watch a short video of some photographs from the film on the photographer's website - Edward Burtynsky. Select "Worldchanging" from the links on the left - then "View the Worldchanging.com Introduction Video".

A summary from his website:
Shot in Super-16mm film, Manufactured Landscapes extends the narrative streams of Burtynsky’s photographs, allowing us to meditate on our profound impact on the planet and witness both the epicentres of industrial endeavour and the dumping grounds of its waste. What makes the photographs so powerful is his refusal in them to be didactic. We are all implicated here, they tell us: there are no easy answers. The film continues this approach of presenting complexity, without trying to reach simplistic judgements or reductive resolutions. In the process, it tries to shift our consciousness about the world and the way we live in it.

After watching something like this - it is hard for me to understand why anyone would still support oil production and consumption. How can we continue in this way while so many others suffer the consequences? It may save us a few dollars, but it costs others their lives. Is oil really worth it? Especially when alternatives such as wind and solar exist?

Look what I made...

I am taking a 3D Rhino rendering class (a software class that teaches you how to build small objects on the computer). And here is the first item I choose to try - a spool of ribbon. Yay!

What I said...

To my studio professor and classmates last week....

After saying my name and undergraduate background I spoke about my experience with architecture. Since I can't remember my exact words I'll summarize:

In the four years I worked as an interior architect, I found that 80% was about details such as roofing, water protection, structural connections, stud wall construction, and hours upon hours of drawing tiny details. I hated it because it was so boring. The 20% I loved was about design - how people interact with space, concept development, programming - understanding human needs... In four years I decided that the 80% I hated wasn't worth enduring for the 20% I loved. I longed for a job where the ratios were flipped and wasn't ready to give up searching for it. I had taken product design classes in undergrad and really enjoyed them. I decided to invest in developing that interest to see where it leads. I am in grad school, not necessarily to be torn down and rebuilt, but to find my life's questions in the pursuit of industrial design. I am going to CCA to help uncover these questions - these questions that I will spend the rest of my life working out. (At this point I referenced the reading he had asked us to do this summer - Seeing is Forgetting the Name of the Thing One Sees - a book about the artist Robert Irwin. I LOVED the book so I couldn't help but bring it up. I looked like a total suck up... be seriously I just loved the book.)

My professor asked me, "How will you know when you've found them?"

I replied, "You just know. It's the thing you keep coming back to. You know when you've found something worth living for. Something worth waking up for. Something that energizes you - that compels you - that makes your heart beat. You just know."

Upon further reflection, I wish I would have added that, as Robert Irwin said, it is about a combination of logic and intuition. Logic evaluates measurable data, the science. Intuition is linked to a sense of spirit, of being, of understanding beyond words. You can limit yourself to just logic - but still be wrong because life doesn't always work in logical ways. The unexpected happens, people change their minds, emotions shift. That is where intuition is key... the key to discerning the stuff not measured by logic or science. The combination of the two is where confidence and faith are found.

That is how "you just know." And now you all know why I think I am in grad school :)

You are quite eloquent.

Last week, upon introducing myself to my studio professor and explaining why I am here in grad school... he simply raised his eyebrows, looked down at his notebook, and said "You are quite eloquent."

Today, I looked up the word in the dictionary - though I know exactly what it means I was looking for some hidden meaning...

Here is a little blurb from dictionary.com:
Eloquent, fluent, articulate, expressive are adjectives that characterize speech or speakers notable for their effectiveness. Eloquent suggests clarity and power.

Clarity and power.

Love it.

Unfortunately, it took four years of thought to express those four sentences to my professor. If only I could be eloquent with less time!