What can I control?

This blog thing is starting to feel more like my personal journal... when good things happen I forget to write or I just don't feel like it... but on the heavier days I tend to become overwelmed w/ the intensity of my thoughts.

Last night, today looked adventurous and inviting... but then 12 am passed and it took its own turn. Kevin and I are going to a premier tonight of the movie Chronicles of Narnia. We've never been to one before so we don't know what to expect... red carpet? The actors and producers? Pieces of the sets on display? I'll let you know tomorrow how it went... if only I can get that far in the day.

I decided to try out the bus system on my way to work... since the bus doesn't really come near enough to my apt to walk to, Kevin dropped me off at the first bus stop. I had barely slept the night before, had a headache and possibly a fever, and was anxious... was this bus thing really going to work? I felt silly... especially since in Prague, bus and tram were the only way to really get around. I should know how to do this, and yet still I felt hesitant. I got on and five minutes later the bus broke down. What are the chances of that happening today, I thought to myself. An hour and a half later I was finally walking into work... just a little late :)

I find LA gets me aggitated in ways I didn't expect. The other week, as I drove home in heavy traffic, I became so frustrated I actually yelled in my car. Not just once either. I'd had enough. Let me go. Get out of my way. And the car sat in idle, waiting for the miles of cars in front of me to creep forward. I thought I would literally explode. I could feel the anxiety boiling underneath my skin. What has LA done to me?

What do bus adventures and traffic have in common? Well actually a lot, but I wonder if you are wondering how I will connect them with control. The other day in my car I thought of our group of friends that went to Indonesia and spent 14 hours (or however long... lets just say a LONG time) in the bus to get there (after flying however long first of course.) I thought to myself, "Well if this was Indonesia I'd be fine... I'd expect this two hour holdup as part of the adventure and plow on). But b/c it's in LA... I'm going to explode. Is that not reason to begin to worry? What about being in a different country changes my attitude? my expectations? my time?

The anwser... what I feel in control of. I can't control travel time in Indonesia... its a well known and accepted fact... so it wouldn't get to me. But.... for some odd reason, I fight intensely and dramatically for control of travel time in LA. Even as I was yelling in my car the other day, I thought, "Why can't I just let it go?"

If only I could have my "Indonesia perspective" all the time...