Goodness Gracious...

Great balls of fire. Holy Fire that is. I recently finished my first novel by Bruce Sterling - a science fiction author known for his futuristic visions. This book had genetically and electrically altered dogs that served as animal companions as well as machine servants. It is set in the 2090s - to a place where science and biology have progressed into mind boggling (but not altogether surprising) ways. Life extension treatments are available to those that can afford them - treatments that "rejuvenate" blood cells, organs... that extend life well into the triple digits. Most people eat scientifically composed food like substances that deliver just the exact amount of vitamins, minerals and nutrients required - animals and plants only consumed by those less fortunate or far less educated. Buildings have lighting systems that imitate the sun. People can build virtual palaces to store their memories, experiences and wealth. Translators in the form of earrings and necklaces allows people to speak their native tongue to all and understand any language...

Though the book had impressive and believable technological innovations (it was written in 1996) - the plot failed to impress me. It had so much potential - an elderly lady undergoing a life extension treatment that gives her a second chance to re-live the youth she never dreamed of... yet I found it's actuality to be surprisingly underdeveloped and shallow. I forced myself to finish reading it - my curiosity unrelenting even as it approached unavoidable disappointment.

I am hoping his latest book, The Caryatids, is far more developed. One of my favorite blogs, Worldchanging, says "The Caryatids is my favorite of Bruce's novels since Holy Fire, and frankly one of the best science fiction books I've read in years. It's a book redolent with not only the future, but the concerns of a particular kind of future that is very much of interest to those of us engaged with worldchanging work."

Hum... We'll see. I am trying to add some futuristic sci-fi into my non-fiction mix before grad school completely takes over my brain. Any suggestions??

June Garden Lessons

My favorite part of the garden so far... snow peas.

So exciting to see things actually growing! I can't believe it - they are still alive! (Snow peas and bell pepper shown below.)

Broccoli - what a waste! A massive plant for a tiny bit of broccoli. I decided to uproot them to give the other more productive plants more room to grow.

The whole garden - those tomatoes are growing so tall! The cauliflower is growing on the left - we have yet to see what will happen with these. Hopefully they will be more successful than broccoli!

This is what I've been talking about...

...or at least trying to. Missional small groups. How do mission and community work together? This short 16 minute video by Matt Carter from Stone Community Church in Austin, Texas gives a much better explanation than I've been able to communicate.

Mosaic just relaunched Freeform (aka. small groups) with a general outline/goal of what we hope they look like. The primary purpose, of course, is to build community while on mission. We encouraged Freeform groups to meet once a week - and dedicate at least one week a month to "serving others creatively". Unfortunately, we launched in June - during the summer, when attendance tends to be low and fickle. We just couldn't wait though - and hope this sets the foundation for an even stronger launch in the fall.

Listen to Matt and be inspired and encouraged - what we are trying to achieve can be difficult to visualize but is well worth our effort and pursuit... all for the sake of Berkeley!

THE SHOW - for May 19, 2009 - Guest Matt Carter from Todd Rhoades on Vimeo.

Why do you care?

Why do you care about other people?

I want to investigate what really motivates people to give their lives away to others (aside from any other religious training/explanation). I was reflecting over my life - trying to remember the first time I really cared about somebody outside of myself (or my immediate family) and my thoughts kept returning to the day we first welcomed my brother Josh into our home.

I was 8 years old and it was 3:00 in the afternoon. School had just let out and I was searching the playground for my mother. I finally saw her, walking up the hill, with a bundle of blankets in her arms. I was too young then to really realize what that meant or why... but the little baby she carried in her arms would forever change my life and the way I experienced and gave love. That day I become Josh's oldest sister - not because I had to, but because I choose to.

Though the Colorado court system would officially recognize Josh as part of the Williams family three years later, I was his sister from the moment I saw him - a small and strange little baby needing a home. The amount of love I experienced for someone I had never met before shocked me. I realized I had the capacity to care for others in ways I never imagined or dreamed of before.

I care because Josh showed me I could. Before that, it was just an idea - something my parents and Sunday school teachers talked about endlessly. I have spent the last 18 years (since the day I met Josh) following this love - searching for it, longing for it, hoping for it. This love, that I now call Jesus, is what motivates and drives me. Though I can't always (and often don't) embody it - He is with me.

This is a much better answer than the one I gave to the person who asked me last week!

Accepted

It's official - I am going to grad school. You can click on the above logo for more information about the school and program but to summarize: I will be in a two year program to get a masters of fine arts in design (with a focus on industrial design). At the end of August I will transform into a design student once more in hopes of launching into the field of consumer products. I was so excited to get accepted. I heard only 15 of 2oo+ applicants get in and I was flattered to be one of them. Post acceptance, however, has been a different story. I've had a few anxiety/panic attacks thinking about all the financial aid we just accepted and wading through my self-doubt and insecurity. Thankfully Kevin has been unwavering in his confidence of me and this direction. It is a ginormous risk - to move from merely dreaming about being a product designer to actually attempting to become one. Let's just say I've left plenty of space for miracles to happen :)

Back in March Kevin and I were walking through the Denver International Airport and I was in awe of the ceiling and design. I love it! I also love that in a few months it is quite likely I will never have to design interiors again - no more carpet, paint colors, tile patterns, space flow diagrams... I can't wait. Finally my appreciation for architecture will be set free to be just that - appreciation.

Under Construction

Yesterday I went to see one of my projects that is currently under construction - the renovation of the x-ray/imaging department of a hospital in Oakland (7,271 SF). The steel studs and electrical are all in - in June all the drywall goes up. Occupancy is set for January 2010. I can't wait! My first project (from start to finish) is only months away from completion.

Are Cheerios Healthy?

An article by The Daily Green reported today:

"Just weeks after Kellogg agreed to stop a national advertising campaign that misleadingly claimed its Frosted Mini Wheats boost kids' attention spans, General Mills has been ordered by the Food and Drug Administration to scale back its claims about what Cheerios can do for your health. In essence, General Mills had been claiming that a box of Cheerios is a powerful drug designed to lower cholesterol, fight heart disease and high blood pressure, when in fact ... it is a breakfast cereal.

This is a strong reminder to consumers that the health claims on food packaging can often be misleading. A varied, balanced diet, with more plants than meat, and fewer processed foods, is the most commonsense diet for most people. Cereal can be a part of that diet, for sure, but we shouldn't think of fortified cereals or processed whole wheats as the solution to our health problems, or the key to losing weight."

Yet another reminder to never underestimate the power of marketing - it is pretty tempting to believe it is actually good for your health when you walk down that massive cereal isle!

What do you think - what cereals are actually healthy and why? I try to avoid them altogether and stick to oatmeal. I get tired of trying to read all the labels and discern the truth behind all the compelling words.

Chase the Lion

“Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death.

Grab life by the mane.

Set God-sized goals.

Pursue God-ordained passions.

Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention.

Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God.

Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future.
Stop playing it safe and start taking risks.

Accumulate experiences. Consider the lilies. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can.

Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshipping what's right with God.

Burn sinful bridges. Blaze new trails. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not.

Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Chase the lion.”

Mark Batterson: In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day.
‘Lion Chasers Manifesto’:

Using Our Passions to Change the World

Please visit Crashing Forward for more details!

Leaving the country yet again...

At the end of May, my husband and a small group of volunteers from Mosaic and the Bay area are heading to Sudan. At this time last year, Kevin met a man named Michael - a Lost Boy from Sudan sent by the Clinton administration to the United States for an education. Displaced from his home in Sudan due to war, Michael walked several thousands of miles to safety in a neighboring country. Getting an education was his only hope to escape a lifetime in refugee camps. Fortunately, some of those in the U.S. government felt the same way and helped pave the way for some of the young boys to come to the United States. Now, years later, Michael wants to use his education to help those still living out the consequences of war. With the help of Kevin, Mosaic, and EMI (Engineering Ministries International), Michael will return to his home village, Jalle, this May with a team of dedicated and talented engineers and architects. This team will help the village assess its needs and help the local community move towards solutions they might not have had access to previously.

Please visit the website, Rebuild Sudan, for more information about the Lost Boys or to see how you might be a part of rebuilding this community.

Photo: Michael reunited with his mother after a 20-year separation.

some old prayer

I was reading tonight and came across this really old prayer (The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi). I am RARELY into things like this but it quickly caught my attention - especially the second part.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, union; where there is doubt, faith;
Where is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light; where there is sadness, joy.

Grant that we may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be loved as to love
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

It was encouraging to see another reminding us of this truth - of how Jesus lived and what he taught. Too often I feel frustrated that the church is too focused on themselves as though after a certain level of our "needs" are met THEN we will be able to serve and love others. Too often I feel alone in the campaign for serving and loving others as the way to grow in God. Too often I worry about how easily we are tempted to to put our needs first.

Do we think growing in God is about knowledge and not about action? What is growing in God? It is a matter of intellect and memorization? It is about how many books you read and how many "Godly" people you can quote? We must discuss these questions!

These other quotes/thoughts came to mind as I was thinking about this:

"The commandments, "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
Romans 13:9

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
1 Corinthians 13:1-3

The temptation is too great - so I tend to swing to the other extreme in hopes of hitting somewhere in the middle. Too many churches are known for how creatively they meet their own needs - though amazing programs and unfaltering organization. Will we be known for this as well? When will the church be known for its love? Not for its knowledge, its intellect, its amazing sermons and captivating productions... but simply for the way it loves and cares for others? This is the church I long for.

We strive so hard to encourage serving as a way to practice loving others. Too many times people come to us and ask about burnout or what will "fill" them back up? I have a few thoughts on this:
1: Whose strength are you serving on/with anyways? If it is your own, then you most definitely burnout. But burnout is not such a bad thing - to come to the end of yourself and need God's help (and/or the help of others) to empower you to finish.
2: Doesn't the prayer above say that serving is the means to be "filled up"? Does Jesus discuss and model this?
3: How are you serving? Are you serving in the ways you "should" as determined by the expectations of yourself or others? Or are you serving in the unique ways that only you can - with your passions, talents and gifts?

The core reason I am SO passionate and intense about this subject is because of my own story. I spent YEARS diligently growing in knowledge to find little to no character change in myself. No matter how many Bible studies I was a part of or lead - no matter how many verses I memorized - no matter how "christian" I became - I could not change myself. Knowledge is helpful in knowing God - but serving is essential to living out a life with God.

Not only that - but one really clear way serving helps you grow is in self awareness. You learn really quick what you like and what you don't - what you really think or hope for - in the act of serving.

I am not "anti-Bible study" but I am Bible study resistant. I am resistant to engage unless there is a clear vision of what we are moving towards and what we hope to attain. We hope to be the church FOR the world due to our understanding of who Jesus is and what He hoped for. It is in this context we can talk about the role of knowledge.

Creativity and Artichokes

I most enjoy cooking when I get to try something unknown and challenging, otherwise it's just a chore and a duty to me and I tend to avoid it. I have also found that I enjoy experimenting the most when there's a crowd involved - a dinner party of some sort... it makes it more of a challenge or something I suppose. It doesn't bother me too much when an experiment fails - I am thankful I tried at all, however, KV might have a different perspective :)

So last week we had some co-workers over and I heard artichokes were in season. Thankfully this one turned out - though the prep was tedious & my fingers hurt from the sharp points on the leaves.

So proud of myself

I FINALLY planted a vegetable garden! It was inspired by Mel Bartholomew's book Square Foot Gardening. I meant to build one last spring but the first picture shows how far I got. I basically built two square raised beds and left them sitting there for a year - I didn't even add soil. So this spring I basically had to re-start seeing as all the weeds that we pulled last year had returned.


Got to love pulling weeds. I was surprised to find that the soil had changed a lot since last year. Last year it was practically dust and hard as a rock - this year it even had worms and snails living in it!


Weed pulling took longer than everything else combined. The green trash bin to the right is our city's mandatory compost bin. You put all your garden clippings, unused food, etc. in it and they pick it up once a week. It usually smells so bad I gag every time I go near it. :)


After the weeds, I nailed weed cloth to the bottom of the raised beds and put potting soil mix from our local nursery inside. Hopefully this will reduce the amount of weed pulling needed in the future. The wood slats we nailed across the top of the beds are supposed to help us measure the space for planting. For example, lettuce can be planted six inches apart so you can plant four per square foot. Broccoli, on the other hand, needs more space so you can only plant one per square foot.


The planted boxes! I go out back and check on them as often as I can, half expecting them to be all shriveled up or attacked by an animal. I find myself worrying about it sometimes - is it too hot or too cool; is there enough water, sun... I even dream about it sometimes! I'm a typical first time gardener - clueless and hopeful.


Box #1: Cauliflower, lettuce, peas, tomato, spinach, onions, red bell pepper, strawberry, basil and broccoli.


Box #2: Strawberry, cucumber, edamame, cherry tomato, yellow bell pepper, broccoli, tomato, cauliflower.


I recently read something about the significance of the garden in the creation stories. The book, End of Religion, says, "A garden is a meeting place between nature and human culture. It reflects both divine and human creativity, as opposed to the extremes of a city on the one hand and a forest (or jungle, depending on how tropical you like your analogies) on the other. Genesis shows us that God's original design for humanity was an intimate, purposeful relationship between himself and humanity, expressed through a cocreative partnership." (End of Religion, pgs. 197-198)

Fool me once, shame on you...

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I am feeling the shame, or rather, the anger.

Our car was stolen for the second time last Thursday at the North Berkeley BART station just over a mile from our house. I was headed home after attending a design event in Oakland. I rode the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit aka. metro/subway) and looked for the car... to no avail. It was gone. Not even a shard of broken glass was to be found - that old thing was so easy to break into you didn't even need to bother the glass. I am angry today - if only we had taken the time to get a club after it was stolen the first time!



We are not confident that we will be as lucky as we were the first time - when the San Jose police department found our car illegally parked about an hour from where we live. The police told us last week we had about a 50% chance or ever seen it again. I do not feel hopeful. If only this was an April Fools joke - unfortunately it isn't.

On another note, KV's elbow is healing "twice as fast" as it should be, according to the orthopedic doctor he saw yesterday. He doesn't even have to wear the sling anymore.

The Glass Wall

(Written in 2007 while living in Los Angeles. I recently shared this journal entry at a Mosaic gathering a few weeks ago. I was talking about knowing God versus experiencing God... and here is just one example of when my human knowledge failed me - and I just needed to speak to Him, my Friend.)

Friend,
What is blocking me from the fullness of You?
I want to be close to You but I stand enclosed behind a glass wall.
I can see You; I can hear Your voice; I see Your hand pressed against the glass but I keep hiding.

It is so strange; sometimes I scream and cry for help and beat against the glass... and sometimes I find a strange pleasure, a secret comfort in this division of space.
I tell myself it keeps me independent and strong. And I keep pushing myself forward.
When I feel insecure, I push myself even harder.

Sometimes I turn my back to the glass in defiance and feel the rush of resistance in my veins.
Sometimes I fall down in front of the glass and feel the coldness of the floor.
It invades my body and my heart and I feel so alone.

Still other times I stand staring into it as though looking into a mirror.
I see all the things I will never be and all the things I cannot touch and I beat myself.
My fear of physical pain protects me though so I beat myself internally.
I tear my own heart apart before you, convinced it is what I deserve.

Again I see Your hand pushed against the glass and I hesitate.
I am afraid to touch You. I just stand like a statue and stare.

Sometimes the glass is so clear I forget it is there. I can taste the freedom and even live in it for awhile.
But then it hits me in the face as though running straight into a wall.
And in my anger I return to the place I was before. I beat myself.

And so I stand here again, like a statue, watching Your hand pressed against the glass.
I feel the shame of rejecting You as I stand.
But I am afraid my heart is too weak and you'll see it.
I can't bear for You to see the weakness of my spirit.

Suddenly I hear You slowly whisper, "Maybe it's not as bad as you think."
Your simple words catch me off guard and I move towards You.
Before I can regain the strength to resist I decide.
Okay.
I'll put my hand against the glass too... and maybe... What now? Tell me, my Friend.

Winter in the SF Bay

All day nearly every day - thru February and March. Hope this helps end the drought.

Drank the kool-aid

After being "tagged" by more people than I can count, I've finally caved to peer pressure - I'm drinking the kool-aid and jumping into the pool.

Some random things about me:

1. I prefer to wear pumas and graphic tees over high heels and dress shirts.
2. I ride my bike to work most days and I LOVE it.
3. I am my own best friend. I have endless conversations in my mind, try out questions and test ideas - all internally. I prefer to try to figure things out in my own mind before sharing them with others. The only problem is I rarely figure things out, therefore, I find I don't share much.
4. I like to be asked questions. Simply sharing information unprovoked is hard for me to do unless I know you really really well.
5. I like to ask a lot of questions. Sometimes I do this to avoid the conversation from focusing on me. Most of the time I do this because I am just genuinely curious.
6. I hate routines. Repetition bores me. It drains the life out of me. I thrive on change and new challenges. For example, I don't like to make anything twice. Once is enough - even if it wasn't perfect. There are some exceptions of course, but in general, I enjoy change.
7. I don't mind repetition if I REALLY REALLY like something. Examples include chocolate and ice cream. I could eat those everyday - no problem.
8. I am not naturally obedient. Rules tend to bother me.
9. I LOVE to save money for the sake of the internal competition.
10. I wish I had a supernatural power.
11. I am direct. Mostly due to the fact that...
12. I am a terrible actress. It will be painfully obvious if I am lying.
13. I hate shopping, especially for clothes. It makes me feel anxious.
14. I love to give people good gifts. I think TOO much about each gift I give. And I can't just give you anything - so I tend to miss some birthdays and stuff b/c I ran out of time to think and can't pull something together quickly.
15. I dream of living in a prefab house by Michelle Kaufman or in something like the B-Line Small by Hive Modular
16. I take myself way too seriously sometimes.
17. I love God and I love Jesus but I find Christianity stifling.
18. I wish I had a tattoo. I can't narrow down a design though and I have a really low pain threshold.
19. I find meaning in my work. I have a hard time working if this is missing.
20. Kevin makes me a better person - he makes me laugh, relax, breathe, trust.
21. I don't really care about interior design. I just don't find it all that interesting and know I could do without.
22. I play soccer... still. I've played since I was 8 years old.
23. I was made for Berkeley. I LOVE the authenticity.
24. I wish I could eat dessert. (Kevin persuaded me to join him in fasting for Lent - though we don't really practice Lent)
25. Tessa inspired me to actually do this.

Closing

This economic recession thing hit much closer to home this week with the closing of my all time favorite store in Berkeley – the Elephant Pharmacy.

I was shocked and saddened to hear the news, as were so many others. I would go to the Elephant just for fun – to wander through the isles and see what was new – to sit in the corner and glance through their books… Elephant was always full of mystery and surprise – I found everything there including handmade Christmas ornaments, stainless steel water bottles (which I gave to SEVERAL people in the last year), sprouting granola, organic food based facial cleansers, barley teething sticks, recycled toilet paper, partially digested vitamins, rows and rows of tea leaves, natural deodorants, circular body soaps, fair trade bracelets, yoga videos… I heard they even gave dream consultations there!

Ahhhh… I am SOO disappointed!

Lucky for me – there is another all natural, organic pharmacy a few blocks from my house in Albany called Pharmaca Integrative Pharmacy - I will have to learn how to love it.

Winners Announced

The winners of the Discarded Dreams competition have been announced on the Open Architecture Network.

See photos from the award reception night HERE.

Thank you for all your encouragement, excitment and support - I really appreciate it!

I won. We won.

Every time I repeat the words, it sends a bolt of energy and excitement through me. Even now, three days later, I keep saying it, in an effort to remind myself that it is actually true. I've never won anything in the design world... until now.

A glimpse at the email:
"We’d like to congratulate you as the first place winner of the Discarded Dreams Mattress Design Competition! We’re very excited about Helix and the potential your design holds for being a marketable product for recycled mattress components."

I won. We won.

So lucky :)

The awards reception is this upcoming Thursday night. Unfortunately we were planning to still be in DC. We are considering sending me home a day earlier to attend... maybe I just need to make sure it really is true. I feel torn... to go or not to go?

The crazy thing is, Helix is nothing fancy. It is simple, practical, straight to the point. And apparently, it might work.

Crazy.

Here is an article that explains more about how the competition was developed and what they were looking for.